


Dandelion

by therainsweep



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Beautiful Golden Fools, F/M, Romance, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-07-09 10:17:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therainsweep/pseuds/therainsweep
Summary: They came into this world together. They were two children who played together and loved each other. Maybe the games, maybe the love, got out of hand. As they grew up, everything became more complicated. How something that felt so good could be so wrong?





	1. And now the rains weep o’er his halls

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm new here. I've wanted to write this story about Cersei and Jaime's past for so long. (They won't be children for much time, since what I'm most interested in exploring is their adolescence.) It's the first thing I write and English is not my mother tongue, so I don't know where I'm going. I would like to know what you think ;) Hope you like it!

It was night. It rained. The drops of water fell with fury. Perhaps they only asked for passage to the warmth of a home, perhaps they only wanted to break crystals, erode stones and let each soul witness the rage of the sky.

She was just a little girl in her bed trying to sleep. She was cold. Her nurse had left the balcony open to cool her room, without foreseeing the storm. She could not move. Not even to close the doors or draw the curtains, not even to grab the blanket at the foot of her bed. Anyway, why would she? The sky was breaking and nothing could protect her. Such a little girl so lonely, so powerless in the face of the immensity of the universe. It had already hatched a plan and she could do nothing to change it. She was only striving to move as little as possible. Just enough to breathe. She let the air in. Then out. Drowned.

 _If I stay still, everything will stop with me. Nothing could happen. Time will not run and nothing will change._ She kept repeating herself, like a mantra.

The noise of the rain was only silenced by the thunders. From time to time, the sudden light of a lightning illuminated the darkness of her room. In those seconds, she made sure that everything was still in its place. Her eyes, two bright emeralds uncovered, remained open, did not want to see but could not stop looking, only closed for a second to ask:

 _I wish my mom would come in_. Her mother was pregnant, weak and needed to rest. At any moment her little brother would be born and everyone was ready for that moment. She knew that she would not enter, but how much she needed it, a human embrace in which she could abandon herself. She was thinking of her, when she heard her. A scream. One deep painful heartbreaking cry. It slipped down her throat and clung to her insides. Fear. She had never felt so much fear.

Drops. Thunders. Screams. Their sounds mixed, louder and louder, with less time between them. After much hesitation, she summoned all her courage to turn in her bed and adjust her body so that she could look the angry night through the balcony and reunite her eyes with the Moon.

She loved the Moon. What she liked most about her classes was when her teachers told tales about the Moon, her past and present, hundreds of stories and adventures of warrior and indomitable women whose strength was captured in that symbol. Full moon as the truth, the pupil that discovers everything and new moon as the secret, nobody knows anything about it. Decreasing moon like a bow that shoots arrows and knocks down targets until it discharges and growing moon like a cradle where to rest and recover, longing and musing, mother and lover, because it also welcomes and rocks a privileged few.

She didn't know if there were gods because she didn't know if there was justice, bur she venerated the Moon. If anyone could stop whatever was happening, it was her. She stared at her. _Please make it stop._

The storm continued, perhaps less intensely. The screaming stopped. _Mommy?_ She rose determined to go in search of her mother and that embrace.

The girl ran through the corridors in the dark, her hands clinging to the wall on the right to orient herself. Her white nightgown melted with the air of her speed and her long wavy hair hit her back to the rhythm of her footsteps.

At last, she saw light coming out of a room and heard murmurs. She approached the busy room. She only saw movement, everything was going very fast, she could not distinguish faces or words. The air was dense, full of misfortune. At that moment no one had eyes for her.

The overwhelming first sentence she could understand came from the Maester:

"Lord Tywin, there's nothing more we can do. She's... dead."

Her mother was pale, eyes closed, surrounded by blood. It seemed impossible that from that body so peacefully left, only a few minutes ago, those charged vivid cries would have come out.

“He killed her... Everybody out! Take that horrible assassin beast out of my sight.” Her father pounced on her mother, protecting her from the curious glances of all the servants.

She looked in the direction that his father's contemptuous gaze pointed. A maid was carrying a helpless baby, covered in rags. She tried to see his face. Thunder. Ray. Lightning that illuminated everything. Then she saw his face perfectly, not normal, deformed. Scare. She stifled a scream. Was her brother a monster? Did he kill her mother?

Everyone came out, she was dragged by the crowd. Nobody had noticed her presence yet. She looked through the scene one last time out of the corner of her eye before the door was closed. Her father was sitting on the bed, embracing her mother's lifeless body. His loaded eyes were waiting for the door to shut to let out a first tear that would be followed by an uncontrollable infinity. She will never forget that expression. He had been snatched from _his love_. A part of him died that night, the luminous one. Only anger remained in him.

After that, the images were shadows, the sounds were echoes. She did not know what she was doing there, she did not even know _who_ she was. In her stomach roared the need for the only person who could remind her.

 _Jaime._ She ran desperately to look for him.

That was the moment when her nurse finally noticed her, but lost her as her figure faded in the length of the corridor, although she sensed where the girl was going.

The child arrived to her twin brother's chambers. There were almost no guards watching the stronghold that night, everyone was awaiting the birth. She opened the door urgently and approached the bed.

“Jaime… Wake up, please.”

“Cersei? What are you doing here?” He said drowsy. Was she real o was he still dreaming?

She threw herself into his arms and burst into tears. That seemed real to him. He woke up completely and sat up with her in his arms.

“What happened?” He asked without breaking the embrace.

“Mum… hurting, bleeding… she died.” Her voice was broken.

That could not be real. He must have been asleep. That was a nightmare. But it was real. Tears began to fill his eyes.

The nurse arrived, followed by another handmaid who was holding a candle.

“You know you are not allowed to be here.” She took Cersei and carried her away in her arms. The other maid, grieved and only obeying, held Jaime.

“No. Let go of me.”

“Leave her.”

They both kicked, cried, shouted, stretched out their arms so that they could touch each other. Cersei managed to free herself from the grip and fell to the ground. The nurse grabbed her arm and pulled her. Cersei bit her wrist with rage and when she released her, she ran towards her brother. The maid let Jaime go who also ran to his sister. In the middle of the way they met and melted into an embrace that seems unbreakable.

The nurse was about to reach them again. The maid stopped her:

“They are two children who just lost their mother. Let them be together. They need each other.”

She doubted.

Nurse Delia was not a heartless woman. On the contrary, she was affectionate, protective and maternal, she loved those children as if they were her own. She had a daughter who lived only a few weeks. She helped Joanna breastfeed the twins. She wanted to do it alone, but two was too much. She was a little worried about the bond the twins had.

Cersei was born first and then Jaime, grabbing her ankle. They were literally one soul in two bodies. They could not separate. The being of one was inconceivable without the other. When they were days old they cried if they were separated, they were neither hungry nor cold, everything went away when they came back to be beside their sibling. When they were a few years old, they could not play hide-and-seek, the one who searched always knew where the other was, finished counting and went directly to the exact place where the other was. The truth was that it was not their favorite game, they didn't like to lose the other but maybe it was worthy for the joy of meeting later. They slept together, hands intertwined or embraced. Perhaps then they really didn't know they were two different people. But over the years they began to discover it and never ceased to marvel at their other half. How could be so similar and different: two opposite reflections. She had to wear long braided hair and dresses; for him, a short loose wild mane and trousers. They wanted to know the body, the container, which kept the other half of their soul. They began to explore themselves when they were alone. It was just an innocent curiosity. They had always bathed together and were used to seeing each other's naked bodies. Then they started to sleep together naked, they liked the contact with that other flesh. Soon, the exploration with the eyes was not enough, it did not satiate them, they needed to touch, to feel. It wouldn't last long. One lazy morning, Delia went to Cersei's room hoping to find the two of them because in Jaime's there was no one and it was time to get up. She found a bundle in the bed that emitted laughter covered by sheets and when she uncovered it, she found the siblings naked and Cersei playing with Jaime's tail. That image troubled her and she ran to tell Joanna. Joanna moved Jaime's chambers to the other side of the castle and had more maids watching the twins. No more bathing or sleeping together and even playing together unsupervised. She warned them that if they repeated that, she would tell their father and threatened them that they would never see each other again. The first weeks were terrible. They couldn't sleep if they weren't together. At night they got sick. Violently. They trembled. They had fever. Their bodies no longer knew how to _be_. And if they had been separated during meals, they wouldn't have been able to eat either. Maesters didn't understand what was happening to them. Joanna and Delia did. They belonged together.

And now Joanna had gone… Delia didn't have enough authority to maintain those arrangements and she always thought they were too strict. Besides, she understood they needed love, now more than ever. Finally, Delia nodded. She and the handmaid left.

Cersei and Jaime stayed embraced. Now time had definitely stopped. Now they were safe. She no longer heard the storm, he didn't even notice there was one. In the middle of all the dark chaos where everything crumbled, the other was just clarity and support. In the middle of that emptiness by the absence of a mother, they felt... _whole_ in each other's arms. In the depths of that pain they had found a pinch of... relief. No one would ever separate them anymore. How bad was it to feel a little relieved at the loss of a mother? Did that prove that what they were doing was monstrous, a sin? But what did they do? They just loved each other. How something that felt so good could be so wrong. All these questions stopped mattering at that moment. _Nothing else mattered._ _Only them._


	2. The princess and the squire (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm here again! The action of this chapter is inspired by facts (Tywin’s aspirations about his children, the tournament, the drawing…) from the books (which I haven’t read). I also mention Jaime's dyslexia, which I guess by the conversation between Tywin and Arya in chapter 6 of season 2 of the series.  
> The next chapter will be the continuation, at Lannisport. I already have it in mind and I think it will be pretty interesting. There they will meet Rhaegar, Cersei will visit Maggy the Frog who will tell her that prophecy. Please let me know what you think of the course of this story and I will try to upload it this week ;)

Casterly Rock, 272 AC

Two maids bathed, dressed and combed Cersei while two others did the same with Jaime. Meanwhile Delia tried to distract Tywin to gain some time. Tywin had ordered the twins to be brought immediately to the meeting room. The siblings were on the beach making sand castles with little Tyrion, they had just come out of the water, they started splashing and ended up bathing. In other words, they, and their clothes, were wet and full of sand. Delia couldn't wear them like that in front of her strict father. So when another maid who had been looking all over the castle informed her of Tywin's wishes, she looked alarmed for her companions to cover up her children's mischief. Those two would end up driving her crazy.

"Stop talking. Bring my children here now, or I'll go and get them myself. That's not convenient for you. If I have to do your job, I'll stop remembering what we need you for." Tywin didn't used to talk like that to Delia. She was clueless and talkative about some things, cunning and direct about others; she was an expert at choosing words and putting them in order, she knew very well the character of all the people in Casterly Rock, she knew how to adjust her character according to who she was with to achieve her goals, she was a gossip who knew everything but knew how to hide things. It made Tywin nervous, but he appreciated her. She knew that Joanna liked her and they had a special bond, it could almost be said that they were friends. He also knew that his children loved her and needed someone like her. He would never dismiss her.

Even so, Delia had a knot in her stomach and went out to look for the twins. She finally found them ready and grabbed them by the hand, squeezing them tightly until she hurt them a little, like a reprimand, and took them to their father.

"Here they are."

"Good. You may leave. Wait outside. We have important matters to discuss." He looked at his children, had no idea how he would do this. "Jaime, you go first." _That will take me less._ "Cersei, wait with her until I call you."

And the door closed in front of her. Like so many other times. Her father wanted to talk to her brother. She was left out wondering if they would talk about how Westerland and the Seven Kingdoms operate, about the future of the Lannisters, about war strategies... Today her father had summoned her to his work-desk. For the first time. He wanted to talk to her about something important. At last her father recognized her. He was finally taking her into account.

She waited and waited, imagining possible topics of conversation, each more exciting than the last. Jaime left shortly afterwards.

"Cersei." He nodded his head toward the room for her to come in while he stood holding the door.

"I will be a knight. I’m going to begin as prince Rhaegar's squire!" Jaime whispered to her as they crossed paths. Later he would detail it to her. He always told her those conversations from which she was excluded. Then he opened the door wider for her to enter.

"Good morning, Father." She said it with a triumphant air.

"Good morning." He was sitting in the chair, in front of everything, straight, arm on the armrest, fist clenched and fingers wagging, imitating the thought machine that moved in his head. This is how she had always imagined it in her encounters with her brother. And Jaime sitting in front. Both looking into each other's eyes. Sign of respect. "Thank you, Jaime, you can go."

He nodded and turned around to leave and close the door behind him. She went to that chair she had wanted to occupy so many times.

"Jaime, you had better stay." Tywin suddenly said, who was looking at his daughter and did not know how to be alone with her. "It's not bad for you to hear this. Someday it will be your turn."

Jaime closed the door, with him inside. And he sat in the chair next to Cersei. They exchanged looks of strangeness, Cersei even of anger, as if it was Jaime's fault for being invited again. At least this time she would be part of it.

Tywin stared at his children. He was still rigid. Without saying a word. His fingers moved faster. How could he say this to Cersei, who was after all a little girl, his little girl. He wanted to talk to her in a personal, close way. But he couldn't even stand there, looking into her eyes. He realized that he had never been alone with her daughter. He got up. He walked around the room. Then he opened the door with an impulse and stuck his head out into the hallway.

"Delia! You should be present. We're going to argue about some changes in my children's future that are of your concern."

She was stuck to the door, also intrigued by why Tywin required Cersei's presence for the first time. Before entering, Tywin, with his back to the children, made some quick gestures to her symbolizing a cape on his shoulders, then one hand on top of the other and a ribbon linking them, his gaze pointed to Cersei. Delia understood everything. He was asking for her help.

Cersei felt annoyed again. Did Delia's presence not detract from the meeting?

"Well... as you know, these children are growing up." Tywin kept walking across the room.

Cersei and Jaime turned to look at him.

Delia stood, leaning against the wall. Between Tywin and the twins.

"Ah, yes... Ten years old! A decade! I still remember when you measured as much as my knees and spent the day running all over the castle, it's not that you didn't do it now... But you're taller, yes, you are."

Tywin cleared his throat.

"The thing is that these changes are not only physical, they are the ones we notice the most, but inside you have also grown, matured, a lot. Those who can best say this are your masters and septas, you are more and more clever."

Tywin looked at her. _Get to the point._

"And when you grow up you must think about the obligations you have to attend to. Someday you will be the lord and lady of an important house. You will inherit Casterly Rock, a Lannister, a great lion." She looked at Jaime, he would stay there and she would probably take care of his children. "And you… You will always be a Lannister too, but one day, blessed day, you will marry a wonderful lord, a good husband who will give you his sigil and you will lead his big house with him." She looked at Cersei, who would go wherever her husband lived and that broke her soul. She was very young, was Tywin really thinking of marrying her? She was trying to appear enthusiastic in order to pass it on to her.

"That is exactly what I wanted to talk about... marriage. Haven't you ever thought of that? How it will be, when, with whom." He looked at Cersei. He realized how little decision-making power a woman had on that matter. She was about to talk. Tywin couldn't hold his gaze. "You, for example, Jaime."

"I want to marry Cersei." Jaime said cheerfully with all his sincerity. Cersei looked at him sideways.

"How nice! All siblings say the same thing when they're little." Delia faked a laugh to take the tension off.

"Lannisters don't say nonsense.” Tywin sentenced. “And what about you, Cersei?" Her response couldn't be worse than Jaime's.

"I want to marry a prince."

"That is good, it may happen... It is going to happen. In short, I want to betroth you to prince Rhaegar Targaryen, eldest son of King Aerys and heir to the iron throne."

"Wow, that's some news! They say he is the most handsome and strongest man of the Seven Kingdoms. He is also smart, sensitive and kind. All women like him. You will be the envy of all of them." Delia said, so that Cersei would begin to be interested in him.

"And you will be the princess of the Seven Kingdoms... later, the queen. A Lannister, at the top. My daughter.” _My daughter_. Tywin uttered those words with a pride that echoed in Cersei's head.

"I would be honored." She said, eyes wide and bright, already imagining a glorious future. A crown on her head. _With a crown I would never be invisible. I would be the most watched and_ \- she thought – _listened to woman in the Seven Kingdoms. Everyone would attend to me_. Her gaze could only attend what was ahead, what was to come, the rest vanished. She hadn't even been able to look at Jaime.

"Tomorrow you will meet him. Both of you. In a tournament I hold at Lannisport, to honor the birth of prince Viserys and to welcome the king to the westerlands." A way of cajoling the king, before revealing his intentions. "Delia, I want you to ensure that they are more dignified than ever. Start preparing their clothing now. Let them see the power and elegance of this house.” He looked seriously at his children. “You must behave and make the best possible impression. Can you do that?"

"Yes." they said in unison. Cersei firmly, Jaime almost in a whisper. He was crestfallen. All the admiration he had for Rhaegar and the illusion of being his squire disappeared. Now he hated him for being betrothed to his sister.

"I need you beautiful, charming, radiant as gold, smiling at everything they say, obeying and pleasing. This is very important. The best chance we will ever have. The future of this house depends on you. Can you?"

"Yes, father."

"I trust you." Tywin and Cersei exchanged half smiles. "You may all retire."

The three of them came out of there, what had just happened? They didn't look at each other. No one dared to share impressions.

"I'm going to my room." Cersei reported. She needed to lock herself in, get lost in her inner worlds and keep imagining that future.

"I'm going to play with Tyrion." Jaime decided. He needed to escape. He wanted ask his sister what is in her mind, but he wasn't ready for it. He wanted to have fun to stop thinking about what was too painful for him. Later he would go and face her.

Each one went one way.

*

Cersei sat at her desk, holding a paint that slid excitedly over the paper. From time to time she stopped to contemplate her work proudly.

She heard the door open. Jaime entered. She quickly turned the paper over.

“You don’t knock?”

“I never do.”

“You have to start doing it.”

“Why? Because of that stupid reunion? You made me look like a fool.”

“You are a fool. How can you say that in front of father? Brothers and sister don’t get married.”

“They do in the stupid family of you future husband. He could marry a sister.”

“He doesn’t have one”

“Maybe he’ll have one and marry her.”

“He won’t. You’re just jealous.” Cersei enjoyed it. She had been jealous at him many times.

“What is that?” Jaime noticed the face down paper that his sister's hand was covering.

“Nothing.” She hid it behind her back.

“Let me see.”

“I don't want to show it to you.” She didn't want to hurt him.

“I want to see it.” He went to her and they struggled until he got the part. He held it in his hands, looking at it, tears began to fill his eyes

“It's a drawing septa Saranella sent me for my classes. They are King Jaehaerys I Targaryen and his sister and wife, Alysanne. I’m studying them right now.” She was really studying that period. She used to make up lies based on the truth.

“You are a liar. That’s not them. That’s Rhaegar and you.”

“No. It can’t be us because they are riding a dragon and dragons don’t exist anymore.”

He turned the paper over to reveal to her her own drawing.

“It’s Rhaegar and you and I know it because of your blonde hair painted in yellow, they all have silver hair. You can’t distinguish colors?”

“You can’t distinguish words.” She ripped the drawing out of his hand and put it back on the desk.

He was holding the tears. How could she treat him like this? How could she attack him with his real problem? He could not read well, the letters danced in his head, they mixed and he confused words. He was ashamed of it and she had always encouraged and helped him, trying to teach him to read and write.

“Why did you draw it?”

“Because I’m happy about it. Can’t you see it?”

_But I’m not, can’t you see it?_

“You don’t know him.”

“But I will do it tomorrow and I will like him. Don’t spoil it.”

_And what about me…?_

“You are selfish. You only care about yourself.”

“Very good. That’s the meaning of selfish.”

“You are so mean. I want you to break it.” He wasn't aggressive, he wouldn't break her drawing to express his anger at her. He wanted her to break it to express her love for him.

“You can’t insult me or give me orders. I can. I am the princess and will be queen. I command you to shut up and leave.”

“That makes no difference for me. I have always tried to do what you like because I wanted to, to make you happy. Do the same thing for me. Break it!”

“No!”

“Break it or I won’t talk to you ever again.”

“That’s exactly what I want.”

He went slamming the door and started crying outside.

She was left alone, looking at the drawing now with a mixture of emotions. She was still eager for that idea but felt sorry for her brother. She had to forget Jaime for now. She loved him and she didn't want to, because he would be an obstacle. Today she had tasted for the first time what it was like to be regarded by her father. She needed her father to see her. Even if that meant she shouldn’t see her brother by now. She also hated him, because he had what she lacked. Her father's love. And why? They were twins, literally she could have been him. She could have been the man. Since it is the man who receives the privileges, the great purposes. The woman, the distractions. They were identical and she could not understand why they were treated so differently. She was born first. Why would Jaime inherit Casterly Rock while she would have to marry a stranger and take his name? But if she had to do it, she would do it well, marry the prince and be queen. She would show them who Cersei Lannister was.


	3. The princess and the squire (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's the third one. I believe that many things happen in today's chapter...  
> I wanted to say one thing: my main source is the TV show and I want to write the past of the characters we saw in it. For that I'm inspiring in the books and in things that appear in them, but I haven't read them and I don't pretend to be faithful to them, just to the show.  
> For example, Maggy's prophecy in the books includes the part of the valonqar (that I love!) But since it's not included in the show, I won't either. The end of this Jaime and this Cersei will be in each other's arms, dying together when the Red Keep crumbles. This story is about how they get to that end, from the beginning.  
> I would like to know... Do you think Melara fell into the well or that Cersei pushed her? I personally don't think she pushed her. But I have left it ambiguous, each interpreting what he wants. I don't think Cersei is innocent, I see her as a villain, but not as someone who was born that way. She is also a victim with hard circumstances and a lot of pain, she is a woman who had to create a strong mask to survive.  
> The next chapter will be the last chapter in which they will be children. I hope to upload it this week or next week.  
> Please tell me what you think :)

The day after, Lannisport

The carriage ride had been most tedious. They had left Casterly Rock very early to make sure they got there before the king and that everything was perfect by then. Cersei and Jaime were still angry and didn't want to travel together. Jaime asked his father to go on horseback, like him and his uncles. He agreed believing that his ten year old son arriving and descending the horse would make the first impression he was looking for, people would comment on the little one's boldness and perhaps it would reach the king's ears. Cersei was in the carriage, with his aunt Genna, Delia, the little Tyrion, his wet nurse and two more maids. She had never travelled without Jaime and was so bored that she even played with Tyrion. He was surprised by his sister's attentions.

Tywin had spared no expense, he definitely wanted to show the exuberance of house Lannister. The welcome was somewhat cold. The Lannisters waited in line. Tywin, lord of Casterly Rock and Hand of the King, was in the middle, the main figure. On his left, his siblings: from him, the first born, then Kevan, Genna, Tygett, to Gerion, the last born. On his right: his sons, in the same order, Jaime by his side, followed by Cersei - their father used to forget she was born first - and lastly Tyrion. Behind them, part of the nobility of Lannisport and the servitude that accompanied them. Jaime had his clothes made the day before, designed for the occasion; it tried to emulate an armor, with golden and garnet colors and engraved lions. Cersei wore a dress whose color was between red - because she was a Lannister - and pink - to show a little innocence and sweetness child -, with long and wide sleeves from the forearm, a neckline in uve that exposed her necklace with a lion, matching it with a gold belt at her waist, in the hair a simple semi-updo with braids rolled up.

Aerys came down unwillingly from the carriage. He didn't seem to be surprised by anything, he almost expected every move from Tywin and was just checking it out. He didn't try hard to be nice. Even the children were scared of him.

Rhaegar arrived on horseback. The women were breathless when he went down and took off his helmet, exposing his silver half mane and his violet eyes. The seventeen-year-old crown prince had been newly knighted. He was an authentic beauty, fierce and virile like a gentleman, but at the same time sincere and delicate like a prince. Cersei was infatuated when she saw him. She thought he looked like someone taken from a fairy tale. Jaime hated him more and more.

Queen Rhaella and baby Viserys had stayed at King's Landing. Aerys decided so to challenge Tywin, to make him see with their absence that he knew that the tournament was not in honor of the birth of his son, but with the ulterior motives he supposed. Even so, Aerys let himself be pleased. Rhaegar had come, that was the important thing. Tywin doubted Aerys' lucidity and ability to govern. He liked Rhaegar, he saw in him a good monarch and had much faith in the changes that would bring his mandate, like everyone else. But for the moment, the king was Aerys and he made the decisions.

All the events of the day went through like formalities, they had to be done but nobody made an effort to enjoy them.

The tournament was in the morning. Prince Rhaegar Targaryen had defeated: Tygett and Gerion Lannister, twelve knights of Tywin's finest ones and Ser Barristan Selmy. He finally fell to Ser Arthur Dayne of the Kingsguard. Jaime felt in equal parts admiration and gratitude for this knight who made that his sister didn’t have her champion.

* * *

However, in the afternoon Cersei looked everywhere for Rhaegar to congratulate him but could not find him. She was coming to the end of the gardens and when she was about to turn to the palace, she heard the precious melody of a harp. The notes wrapped her up to take it to the place where the sound came from. There was Rhaegar. She watched. Hidden. Hypnotized. Something was awakening in her without her realizing it. The song smelled of sweet past, joyful memories flew into the air, but they were no more than. She found herself crying.

When Rhaegar stopped playing, he noticed the girl.

"Hello? I didn't know I had an audience." He said with a soft voice and a smile.

"Oh, I apologize, I didn't mean to intrude." She turned red.

"It’s all right, if I had known, I would have dedicated it to you. I usually find recondite places, but _destiny_ has brought you here. Come close and tell me what you thought."

She shyly took a few steps toward him.

"Wow... I can see that.” He saw her watery eyes. “You have a precious sensibility. Did you know that?"

"Not really..."

"Do you like music?"

"Yes, I study it."

"Do you play?"

"Yes, but I'm not as good at it as you are. That was... gorgeous… You're also a very good fighter."

"Thank you. I only fight because I have to. This is what I really like. It's what I do after a fight, to _clean_ myself. Art... music, poetry, painting..."

"I have something for you. It's a drawing." She took his folded paper out of his pocket. She handed it to him. She felt something move in her stomach when their hands rubbed. Were those the butterflies some people mentioned?

He unfolded the paper. She was nervous. She wasn't sure if she would give it to him or not and now she didn't know if she had done well in giving it to him.

"It's you and me, isn't it? On a dragon! I would love to have that ride.”

She smiled with a sigh. Cersei was speechless, maybe for the first time in her life.

"Lovely. You are a complete artist!" He was truly charming. He found her pleasant and very pretty. Still he was a seventeen year old boy who had no real love interest in a ten year old girl. _Maybe when she grows up_ , he thought. Of course, by then he had no idea of the possible engagement, but he sensed the child's feelings for him. For now, he enjoyed her presence and wanted her to be comfortable. It was easy for him to be nice to her.

"Thank you! Well… I'm going to leave you with your music."

"Thank you.” He said sincerely, for the drawing but specially he was moved by her teary eyes because of his music, those were the best compliment. “I hope to see you again, Cersei." Her name on his lips was magic.

She turned around smiling and containing a scream of happiness. She returned to the castle as if she was walking through the clouds.

* * *

It was the end of the afternoon. Cersei and a friend of hers, Melara, were walking through the woods. They tried to dodge the mud and the puddles, but their shoes and the bottom of their long dresses were already stained.

The final feast of the tourney would begin soon. When she returned from her encounter with Rheagar, her aunt Genna told her that her father was talking to Aerys about the betrothal to the prince and that it would probably be announced during the feast. Cersei, who was almost able to touch that fantasy, could not wait to hear more details from it. She needed to ensure its fulfillment.

They had heard rumors about Maggy the Frog, a witch and seer from Lannisport who lived in a hut in the woods. So Cersei convinced Melara to come and pay her a quick visit. But as they got closer, Melara became increasingly afraid.

“We shouldn’t be out here alone.” Melara said.

“Why not?” Cersei asked. They were about to arrive, they would not surrender now.

“If you father –“

“He’ll never know we’re gone.”

“But if he finds out…”

“You don’t need to be afraid of my father.” She stopped walking and turned to her friend. She would marry the prince and her father would love and respect her, no one would reprimand them. She felt confident, untouchable, and wanted to pass that on to her friend. She took her hand and smiled at her.

They kept walking holding hand until they finally arrived: a cabin made of sticks from which came the faint light of a fire. It had to be there.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“We shouldn’t go in.”

“Of course we should.”

Cersei pulled Melara. They came in. It was dark but they gazed at each item with curiosity. Everything was made of natural elements. It smelled rotten. Only insects buzzing could be heard. Cersei discovered Maggy sleeping. Melara hit her back with a cage that had a rat, it shrieked and Melara let out a yell of fright. Maggy woke up.

“Get out. Get out!” Maggy shouted.

“Let’s go.” Melara asked.

“No.” Cersei was determined.

“Listen to your friend.” Maggy advised.

“They say that you are terrifying, with cat’s teeth and three eyes. You’re not terrifying. You’re boring.” Cersei challenged her.

“You don’t know what I am.”

“I know you’re a witch and you can see the future. Tell me mine.”

“Everyone wants to know their future, until they know their future.”

“This is my father’s land. My land. Tell me my future or I’ll have your two boring eyes gouged out of your head.”

Maggy chuckled at the girl's arrogance. She took a knife and stroked it. She passed it to Cersei.

“Your blood. Give me a taste.”

With the knife in her right hand, Cersei cut her left thumb. Maggy grabbed her hand, drawing Cersei toward her and sucked the blood from her finger.

“Three questions you get. You won’t like the answers.”

“I’ve been promised to the prince. When will we marry?”

“You will never wed the prince. You will wed the king.”

“But I will be queen?”

“Oh, yes. You’ll be queen, for a time. Then comes another, younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear.”

“Will the king and I have children?”

“No, the king will have twenty children, and you will have three,”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Gold will be their crowns. Gold, their shrouds.”

Maggy laughed out loud. At her, who felt so powerful a while ago. At her misfortune.

“Come on, we have to go.” Melara said begging and ordering at once.

Cersei stared at Maggy. Her words imprinted in her mind, as did her mocking laughter.

“We have to go! Cersei!” Melara gripped her arm, pulled her out of the trance and ran her out of there.

* * *

Where was Cersei? Jaime, although he refused to talk to his suspicious sister, had not taken his eye off her all day. The last time he saw her he was with Melara. But Melara wasn't there either. No one had seen them in a long time. Everyone was worried that even Jaime didn't know where his sister was. Besides, he had the feeling that something was wrong with her.

The final preparations for the celebratory feast were stopped and they began to look for the girls. The women in every corner of the palace and its exteriors, the men took the horses and went to the forest.

It was getting dark when a patrol found her. Lost in the middle of nowhere. On the ground, tempering, dirty, full of mud and scratches. Cersei alone.

A soldier stepped down from his horse and slowly approached her.

"Don't worry. It's over. Are you hurt? Where's your friend?"

"She... tripped… fell into the well. She was drowning. She was screaming and shouting. She was asking for my help. I tried. I couldn't do anything. I don't hear it anymore. I don't want to look.” Her voice stuttered, then it stirred, as thick tears fell uncontrollably down her cheeks.

He looked at the well and found Melara's dead body floating.

"Shit…"

He went back to where Cersei was and crouched.

"You're safe. I'll take you home."

He looked at the other soldiers.

"You go faster and give notice that we have them." Two men left quickly on their horses. "You stay and try to get her out, more men will come." Two others got off their horses.

He took Cersei in his arms, put her on his horse, got on it and left for the castle.

* * *

Tywin and Aerys were reunited. A dense conversation about politics proved once again that Tywin ruled the Seven Kingdoms while the _King_ was unaware of what was going on. When it ended, Tywin suggested to Aerys that Jaime could squire for Rhaegar and Cersei could marry him in the future, as a double way of joining houses.

Aerys rejected the first proposal. In fact, to piss him off it occurred to him that he would name the sons of other lords to the position instead.

He refused and laughed at the second one.

“You are my most able servant, Tywin, but a man does not marry his heir to his servant's daughter.” He had said.

The tension between Aerys and Tywin was increasing when door suddenly opened.

A maid informed them of the disappearance of Cersei and Melara. At first, they had chosen not to bother them thinking that it was unimportant and they would find the children quickly. When they had been searching them for a while but the girls did not appear, so they decided to tell the host, Tywin.

Tywin went out and face the situation.

He was furious. Worried, of course. But furious. Not only, he - the Hand of the King - had been considered a servant. But also, her brave son had been reduced to a crybaby because her sister was missing and she, her supposedly obedient daughter, to a rebel.

Without reporting to anyone, he took his horse and went out to look for his daughter. He hadn’t been riding much, when he came across two men on their horses returning to the castle and talking to two others who were also looking for them. They were in the middle of the conversation. He listened.

"Yes... There was nothing we could do. Get her body out of the well. She was already dead. Spread it around, if you see more men tell them not to keep looking."

He noticed the small body shrouded in a blanket on the back of one of the horses. There was all the fear of the world. _That couldn't be his daughter, his little girl. Not like that. Not again. Not like Joanna._

“Where is my daughter?” He demanded to know.

“Lord Tywin. We took her to the castle. She's fine, with a few scratches. She must be with maester Thodomere, checking that it's nothing but small wounds.”

He felt a relief that he didn't express either, like the previous anguish. Without a single grimace, he turned and headed back to the castle.

* * *

Cersei was in her room with her aunt Genna and Delia. The master had just left, he had healed her wounds, nothing was broken. Delia felt responsible and was unable to speak.

“How are you feeling?” Genna said, caressing her face.

"Fine… And the feast… Is it over? Did they announce it? Did I miss it?" Cersei was ashamed, but stared into her eyes to see if she could read anything in them.

“There has been no feast, no announcement.”

“But I am promised to the prince?” _Was Maggy's prophecy being fulfilled?_

“You don’t have to worry about that now.”

“Where is father? He doesn’t want to see me?” She wanted to ask about Rhaegar: Was he there? Was he gone yet? Didn’t he like her anymore? Had she lost that chance? Her prince and her crown? Had he lost her father again? He also wanted to know about Jaime: Had he worried about her?

“Honey… You need to get some rest. But first we're going to give you a bath.” Genna just said.

Tywin entered the room abruptly.

“You ungrateful. I organize all this for you and that's how you repay me. Sneaking into the forest and disappearing!”

“Calm down.” Genna asked her brother.

“Don’t you know the consequences of your actions? Don't you know what it might have cost us?” _What could had happened to you?_ That's what he cared about the most, but he turned all his pain into anger. “Of course you don’t know.”

“Yes, I know it, father… let me speak, just a word” Cersei went to her father.

He shoved her away and she fell to the ground.

“You are a silly spoiled and disobedient girl, besides, proud. Do you want me to listen to you? Not even if you apologize on your knees. How dare you? You shouldn't even deign to look me in the face.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Genna stepped in, seeing that he was going a little too far.

“She is driving me crazy. We, who up to this day seemed a blessing to us, this unique daughter, so _cute_ ,”- he said in a mocking tone - “so pretty, _just like her mother_...” Walking with that ghost on her back was too much for Cersei. “How wrong we were. Now we see that it is a _curse_ we have!”

_Was she a curse? Was she cursed?_

“You're blaming her for what she’s not to blame.” Delia couldn't contain herself and intervened.

“Imprudent meddlesome maid, who do you think you are to talk to me like that?”

“Speaking is no sin.”

“Speak to your equals. Although you're not even capable of doing your one task properly. You were supposed to take care of her. But you are always where you don’t have to. Next time you're out.”

Jaime arrived and found his father as he had never seen him before and his sister on the floor, dirty and a little bruised, about to cry. Cersei and Jaime exchanged glances. _What can I do?_ Delia took the boy so he wouldn't meddle and his father wouldn't pay it with him. She put the boy behind her.

“You're getting hot.” Genna tried to appease him again. Now with more reason, his two children were afraid of him.

“You shut up, too.”

“May one not speak?”

“You are not speaking wisely. You're being compassionate and it's more than _she_ deserves.” Tywin pointed Cersei with fury.

“You're overdoing it!” Genna warned him.

“Early morning, late evening, day, night, at home, traveling, alone, accompanied… my only concern is my house and family. I strive to make my children dignified people. I get this opportunity to wed my daughter to the prince: rich, handsome, polite. I ask her for reciprocity and she ruins it this way.” Tywin went to Cersei. “Pay attention. You are going to marry him and you are going to be queen, not because you are worthy of it, but because I have decided so. And if you don't, you will give up being my daughter.”

She was all balled up, crying.

“Did you get it?” He grabbed her tight so she'd look at him.

She averted his gaze.

“Answer that and let there be no more talk!” He grabbed her tighter, shaking her and throwing her back to the ground.

“Stop, stop it, now.” Jaime ran to his sister and threw himself at her, covering her with his body.

Tywin saw his son's eyes pleading and stood up. He recomposed himself.

“You fool… She will only bring misery to you.” He addressed Cersei again, to sentence what had been said. “Think about it. As you know, I am a man of word.” He addressed Delia. “You'll walk Jaime to his room. Lock my children in their chambers, each in his or her own.” He remarked. “They won't come out until we leave Lannisport. Bathe her and then you will watch this door.”

Tywin left the room. Jaime moved away from Cersei.

“Aunt…” Cersei looked at her.

Genna shook her head and followed her brother.

“Delia…?”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Jaime, love, you have heard your father. Come on.”

“Can I be with her just a little?”

“A little… I’ll be at the door.” Delia agreed but cautioned.

“You shouldn’t have gone there, not without me…” Jaime began. “What happened?”

“You said you would never talk to me again.”

“You said that was what you wanted.”

“Do you forgive me?” Cersei asked after a pause.

“Sure.” Jaime got down on his knees in front of her. He caressed her cheek.

“Do you think this will pass?”

“Sure. Don’t be sad. He said you will marry him.” He said in some disgust.

“Jaime… I have been told that I won’t wed the prince, but the king. What does it mean?” She wanted to tell him but she couldn’t. If she didn't talk about it, if no one else knew about it, maybe it wouldn't come true.

“Who told you that?”

“I don’t know… I heard it, unwittingly, from some relative or maid… or maybe in my sleep, maybe I dreamt it and it’s like these premonitory dreams that come true, like a _prophecy_ …” She couldn't hide it from him, not from him, but she couldn't tell him either. So she told him halfway.

“That doesn’t mean anything, maybe you will marry Rheagar when he is already a king.” He didn't want to, but she did and he just wanted to comfort her.

“It could be…”

“If not him, another. But you are the most beautiful girl in the world and every king if he is smart would want you as his queen.”

“Would you?” Did he want her to be his queen? But he wouldn’t be king and they could never get married. It was too painful to fantasize about something so perfect that could never be. He didn’t know what to answer either. For him she was already a – _his_ – princess. She changed the question. “Would you be there?”

“Yes! I’ll be a knight, I will beat everyone and win a tournament and proclaim you my queen of love and beauty. I will be invincible, a fighter, a warrior. No one will ever hurt you.”

“But I will be one too. I don’t want to be a fainted princess in distress, a maid needed to be rescued. I will be a warrior queen.”

“I’m sure you will. But when you need it, I will protect you.”

She knew it. She could have lost everything. She would never lost her brother.

They hugged.

“Jaime?” Delia knocked on the door and called from outside.

“I’m going.” He planted a caring kiss on her forehead. He got up and extended his hands to his sister to lift her up. “Good night.”

They stood, face to face, still holding hands. They stared at each other. He smiled at her.

“Good night.” She said smiling. He had gotten her to smile.

Cersei gave him a soft and quick kiss on his lips. Jaime closed his eyes, he pressed his lips to hers and made it last a little longer.

Was it the first one? It was hard to remember. They used to kiss each other on the mouth; sometimes jokingly; sometimes playing at being other people, lords and ladies, queens and knights; other times as a reward, the one who lost kissed the one who won and other times as a challenge, one was going to kiss the other on the cheek and this moved the face and their mouths joined. But this one had been deeper, meaningful. They would never forget it. Maybe it had been their first kiss.

She asked for a promise and he committed.


	4. To get back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About the seashell Cersei is holding just before Jaime’s return in season 3 episode 10 and a promise they both made and kept until the end of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I think I'm going to change the title (From When the Sun revolves around the Moon to Dandelion), it doesn't convince me, I still don't know how to title this story, maybe I'll discover it while I write it and change it. Now I have this one in mind. Sorry for the inconvenience!  
> Here's a new chapter, short one. In the next one they will be teenagers... many changes, time apart, a lot of new things will happen, I'm looking forward to that part!

273 AC, Casterly Rock

Cersei was sitting on the ground, hugging her knees, at the edge of the cliff. From there she oversaw the entire city, perhaps imagining that one day it would be hers. From there, it seemed so tiny and fragile to her that she could finish it all with a single stomp. She felt enormous, but incomplete. She contemplated the castle where her maidens would be like crazy looking for her, the beach where she had played so many times with Jaime and the troops and the carriage that were going to take him soon to Crakehall: he would squire for Lord Sumner Crakehall. She imagined how she would slap them away like flies and prevent them from stealing his brother.

The footsteps she heard from behind took her out of these thoughts. She didn't even turn to see who he was. She knew who he was before he had begun to climb the cliff.

“Why did you come here without telling me? It’s my last morning here and I want to spend it with you. I’m going to miss you.” Jaime said as he sat next to her. He tried to grab her hand.

“I don’t want to be with you.” She withdrew it, rose abruptly and started walking away.

“Hey...” He stopped her, grabbing her hand again and making her turn to him. He understood she was sad because he had to go. He was too.

She pushed him and he fall to the ground. When he fell, she began to think that maybe he didn't deserve that manners and she regretted, but she wouldn't apologize either. She stood there looking at him and waiting for him to say something.

“Why are you mad? I don’t like fighting with you, especially today. I'm leaving any time soon.” He could not figure it out. What had he done? She could be sad, buy why was she angry?

“That’s why I am mad. You’re leaving me.” Her eyes began to get wet and her voice broke as she said those last words. Saying it out loud made it real. She looked away so Jaime wouldn't see it.

“I’m not. I’m going in order to become the best knight who has ever existed. And then I’ll come back.” He saw her eyes anyway and stood up looking for her gaze. She wasn’t really mad at him. Her sister's anger was another form of her pain. He wanted to comfort her.

“I don’t know if I believe you. You hide thing from me.”

“What? Never.”

“Yesterday you find something when we were diving in the beach and you quickly kept it in your bag because you didn’t want me to see it.”

“Because it was a present for you. I have it here. Close your eyes.”

She did it. He approached his cloth bag and took out of it a conch shell he could barely fit in his hand with five points. It was a _chiragra spider conch_ , a species of very large sea snail. He gently pulled a lock of her hair that he put behind her ear, exposing it and then covering it with the concave part of the shell.

“What do you hear?” He whispered to her other ear.

“The sea. Waves breaking. As if we were down there.” She opened her eyes and looked at the beach.

“Yes! Have you ever seen a bigger conch? Look at the shape. It’s the hand of a lion, like us, with its claws.” It required imagination to see a lion's paw there, but for both of them it certainly was.

He got her to smile.

“And I found two of them, almost identical, together!” He said as he gave it to her and opened the bag so she could see the other one. “This is yours, and this is mine.”

She looked at them amazed and touched the one already in her hand, wondering about it.

“Do you like it?”

“Very much!”

“It’s not just that. When you want you can place it in your ear and I’ll do the same and we’ll be listening to the same sea.” He took her hand with the shell and put it back in her ear. “Or you can talk to it, I’ll also listen to you and I’ll answer you.” He brought it to his lips. “You can also take it in your hand, and we’ll be holding hands.” He intertwined her small fingers between the extensions of the shell and tightened the grip.

“I’ll miss you…” She was thankful and truly loved that beautiful present but nothing could replace her brother.

“I’ll come visit you.”

“I want you to return… to stay. When will that be?”

“I can´t know it. But I will, promised. Whatever it takes.”

“Whatever it takes?” She asked with a malicious smile, wanting to taste him.

“Yes. I’ll be the bravest knight.” He proudly replied, accepting the challenge.

“And if I am already the queen of the Seven Kingdoms? I’ll be surrounded by many people. What if they don’t let you be near me?” She started a game.

“I’ll make up something to be near you.”

“They will be really cool and interesting people. What if I don’t want you near me? What if I forbid it by law to not be bothered? Everyone who tries will be beheaded.”

“I’ll go to you. No matter what happens.”

“Even if I become a witch and my skin turns green?”

“Yes. Even if I am captured by a green witch with warts. Even if she enchants me, makes me forget how to walk and blinds me. I would come back and find you.”

“Even if white walkers wake up and take over the world?”

“I would kill them all.”

“They are already dead so you couldn’t.”

“A way to kill them would be discovered, I would defeat them and I could come back for you.”

“Even if a huge wave submerges the city?”

“Even if a dragon eats me and I'm trapped in his stomach.”

“Even if it rains fire and everything burns?”

“Even if it rains stones and everything crumbles. I'll hold you and we'll stand as the sky falls.”

She threw herself at him and hugged him. She wanted him to hold her now. His arms slowly but tightly wrapped her.

“I will always find a way to get back to you.”

“I will always be waiting for you.”


	5. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they meet again.

278 AC, King’s Landing

Cersei was in front of the mirror of her boudoir. Delia combed her hair.

The room was a little messy. Above the bed were several dresses that she had tried on until she opted for the one she was wearing: a green one that highlighted her eyes and fitted at the waist, emphasizing her curves. She had grown up and wanted to show it.

On top of the dressing table there were some grooming products. Delia used a little makeup to curl her eyelashes and redden her cheeks, Cersei asked her to also apply it to her lips and mark her cheekbones. She didn't want to look like a child.

“You are done. You look lovely, sweetheart.” Delia said when she finished the braiding of the hair.

Cersei just smiled to her reflection, stood up and went straight to the window. There was his father, Lord Tywin Lannister, waiting for his son's arrival. Jaime would be there soon.

“I am eager to see him. How kind of him to decide to come here and pay us a visit. He had to stray a long way from the path.” Delia said while she was ordering the products from the boudoir and collecting the dresses from above the bed. “You're very quiet. Don't you feel like seeing him?”

“Of course I do. It’s been so long...”

“Almost five years! He must have grown so much… He must be quite a man, newly knighted!”

“It’s him.” Cersei said when he saw soldiers appear in armor and on horseback. “He is here.” She turned around and ran out of his room.

“Young lady, you can't go running around like that. Wait for me!” Delia asked while she followed her.

Cersei came down, went out into the garden. She found her father talking to a soldier. As she approached she saw that he was wearing the Lannister armor and his blonde hair, he had removed his helmet. She saw the joy on her father's face. He was in front of her father, with his back to her. Was that really her brother?

“Jaime.” She called. Nervous. Almost breathless.

Her voice. _Her sweet voice_. His heart jumped when he heard his name in that voice. So well known, so changed. So delightful, so enveloping.

He turned and saw her. He was speechless. His hear skipped a beat.

Hers too. Something about her that she didn't control made her take a step toward him and throw herself into his arms. She had to take a small leap to hang herself around his neck. His arms surrounded her waist and embraced her, lifting her up.

Her light dress wrapped her soft skin of delicate scent against his hard and heavy armor on his toned body.

“Cersei, watch your manners. That is no way for a lady to greet a knight.” Tywin said from behind. Neither of them heard it.

They slowly separated and looked at each other.

“You are very… different.” Cersei began to say. What could she say. “You are so… tall.” The most objective word she could think of.

“Yeah. You are…” _beautiful_ “different too.” Jaime answered awkwardly. “We don't look like very much now, do we?”

“I guess we don’t –“

“Oh! I cannot believe my eyes! My pretty little boy... has become a handsome young man. Give me a big hug.” Delia said as she finally reached out to them.

“Delia, accompany Jaime to his chambers. Jaime, take off your armor, make yourself comfortable and when you're ready join us in the dining room. We'll have dinner, just the three of us. You'll have a lot to tell us.” Tywin commanded.

* * *

Tywin, Jaime and Cersei were sitting in the dining room. The starters were in the center of the table. The rest of the dishes were being served one after the other. Meanwhile Tywin talked about his son's accomplishments. Jaime and Cersei exchanged glances, he shyly at his father's exaggerations, she with some jealousy for so much adulation.

Appetizers.

“Lord Summer has been glad with you, he said he could not have had a better squire. Indeed, you saved him from death, no less.” Lord Tywin congratulated his son.

“You've earned his trust. Did you know Jaime was sent him to Riverrum?” Now Tywin was telling Cersei, as if she didn't already know.

“He had to bring to Lord Hoster Tully a message that could not be entrusted to a raven. And there he gained that Tully’s trust as well. He adored my boy, so charismatic. It is said that even his younger daughter, Lysa, was pleased by his presence.”

“He invited him. So Jaime spent a fortnight at Riverrun, learning in that brief time as much as he could from Hoster's younger brother, Ser Brynden, a famous warrior who had fought in the War of the Ninepenny Kings.”

Soup.

“You already won your first tourney, at the age of thirteen! Without being a knight, while you were still a squire! There are men who have not won one yet. You have to be proud of yourself.” Tywin encouraged Jaime now.

Main course.

“At the age of fifteen, Jaime participated in the campaign against the Kingswood Brotherhood.” He was talking to Cersei again. “During which he crossed swords with the feared Smiling Knight, he rescued Lord Sumner from Big Belly Ben, who was about to smash in his head. He fought until the brotherhood was defeated.”

Dessert.

“Jaime was knighted on the battlefield by Ser Arthur Dayne, a member of the Kingsguard of King Aerys. Now he is finally returning to Casterly Rock.” He looked at Jaime. “Where you'll learn to be a Lord, since someday you'll inherit it, what I built.”

Jaime ate the last bite of his piece of fruitcake.

“I'm full, father. Dinner was delicious, thank you for the warm welcome. I'm a little tired from the trip and would like to go to bed early. May I retire?”

“Of course, son. You must be exhausted. You can take a break before returning to the Rock, a few days in here, I’ll prepare you to come back, we’ll discuss some changes… I want my heir there at his best, I need you to pay attention to your uncle, keep an eye on him to see if we can trust his rule.” Since Tywin had gone to King’s Landing to exercise his work as Hand of the King, Kevan was in charge of the administration of Casterly Rock.

“Yes, I’d like to stay here a little longer. We can discuss it in the morning. Now all I can think about is that sleep.”

“True. See you tomorrow. Now rest. You've earned it.”

“Thank you, father. I will. But first I'd like to see the castle, the Red Keep… I've always been curious.” He looked at her sister. “Would you show it to me?”

“I’d love to.” Cersei smiled and asked his father. “May I?”

“All right. Give him a quick tour, don't distract him too much.” Tywin warned.

They got up from their seats and left the dining room. The door closed behind them.

"Do you really want me to show you each room of this boring castle or do you prefer to go to the forest, see my secret place?" Cersei asked knowing his answer.

They looked at each other sideways with an accomplice smile.

“I'll bet you don't get me.” She ran.

He went after her.

* * *

They had been walking in the woods for a while. They had gone down to the passageways with the dragon skeletons and left The Red Keep over there. They had exchanged a few words, Jaime asked about the things they saw and drew his attention, Cersei answered. He was waiting for the moment for a more personal talk. Maybe it was now. He wanted to know what his sister had been doing all this time. He didn't know if she was upset about what had happened at dinner, jealous of him because of his father praising him.

“How are things over here?” Jaime finally ventured as they kept on their way.

“Nothing ever happens. Every day is the same. Only the news that comes from outside changes, in which we can’t take part either, we just listen to them and react by pretending the most appropriate expression.”

“And what about Rhaegar... you?” He wanted to know. He supposed their father had brought her there with him to try to engage them again.

“The same. He doesn't like me, not especially, not differently than he likes everyone else. We sometimes talk. He is just kind.”

“Well… and how are your days? What do you usually do?”

“In addition to waking up, eating and going back to sleep, I walk around the gardens smiling at people I don't know, play with kids who probably despise me and take lessons about things that mostly I don't really care about.” She realized she had sounded a bit sad and wanted to fix it. “But when I can, I get away. I come here, I explore the woods, I swim in the sea, I see the sunset... Today we will see one. That place at dusk has the best sky. We're almost there.”

“That sounds really cool! I can't wait to see it.”

“You don’t have to fake interest.” Cersei smiled at him.

“I am interested. You know, my life hasn’t been as exciting as father tells. Lord Summer was a nice guy, easy going. That tourney I won... it was more of a melee. Anybody could have gone to Riverrun and I didn't do anything there, I just listened to the war stories Ser Brynden told. And against that brotherhood I barely use the sword, I just fought alongside fine soldiers.”

“You don’t have to fake modesty either.” She looked at him fondly, thanking his attempts and she stopped. “Here we are.”

She set aside some branches and long leaves and through them a small beach was sighted. They stepped in. The grass under her feet turned to sand and a short distance away there was the sea with its waves.

“Wow.” He studied the place, amazed at it.

“Jaime.” She faced him. “I like you being a good warrior, that’s what you always wanted. I am happy for you. I’m sure you’re a great knight.” She looked down and walked, like she was looking for something. “You must have learned a lot of things and…” She crouched down and picked up something. “I want you to show them to me.” She got up. She threw a long stick at him with her left hand as she held an equal one on her right.

“What?” He caught the stick.

“I dare you. Fight me.”

“It's unfair. I've been training every day and you haven't touched a sword in years.”

When they were little and Jaime started his sword lessons, Cersei used to put on his clothes and go there pretending to be him. When they grew up and people began to differentiate them, after his training Jaime would teach Cersei everything he had learned.

“But I have practiced here. I have not forgotten a single movement.” She said and hit his stick with hers.

“But now I know plenty of new ones.”

They started a little fight. She made movements of attack, he only of defense.

“Then show them to me. What are you afraid of? To harm me? Or are you afraid that I'll beat you?”

“That's not going to happen.”

“We'll see…” She challenged him. “You are a coward.”

He made his first attack move, she dodged it. They kept fighting until they moved to the middle of the beach.

Jaime's stick touched Cersei's belly.

“Ow. It hurts…” She turned away, taking her hands to her side. She bent down, coughing.

“Let me see.” He dropped the stick and went to her. “Look at me.”

She did. She tangled her right leg in his left leg and pushed him. He fell to the ground on his back, she on top. She rested her knees on the ground around his hip. She took the stick with both hands and put it horizontally on his neck.

“I beat you.” She whispered to him with a triumphant smile.

“You cheated!”

“But I have won.”

“We have some codes. Honor!”

“Honor? It is not going to bring you any victory.” She said as she stood up and held out her hand to help him up.

“Are you sure of that?” He asked without taking her hand.

“Yes.”

“Then I want rematch.” He grabbed her hand quickly and pulled her, he threw her back to his body.

They struggled for a while, until she could get out of the grip and get up. He also got up. They stood facing each other, staring at each other, knees bent, trying to predict each other's next move.

“You may be stronger, but I am faster.” Cersei said as she took a step to her right.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” He took one to his left, mirroring her.

“And I am smarter.” She took a step back.

“I’ve got a secret weapon.” He took a step forward. He lifted his hands wagging his fingers and smiled mischievously.

“No.” She knew what he meant. “You can't use that. That's cheating.” She backed out.

“You taught me.” He leaned forward.

She turned back and ran. He was chasing her. She approached the seashore. Her strategy was getting into the sea and diving. Surely her brother had not been in the water for a long time. She would be more nimble there.

She was aiming to get there when he caught her. He grabbed her and started tickling her.

“No. No!” She laughed at his touches. “I hate it!” She loved it.

That precious laugher. He loved listening to it. He assumed it wasn't very common. He laughed too. They played. They were children again.

“Stop.” She laughed louder. She threw herself to the ground, unable to stand, assuming her defeat.

He kept tickling her from above until he bent over and ended up on top of her, on his knees, with her lying, clutching her with his legs.

“Stop.” She asked again with laughter, now also with sighs. She was getting out of breath. “Please.”

“Admit I won.” He stopped slowly. His hands clasped her wrists.

“Today.” She could barely move. “You’re tricky.”

“And you say so?” He leaned on her, loosening his grip.

There was no distance between their bodies. Their chests were stuck together, going up and down, breathing hard, breathing each other' s breath. They were striving to recover their heartbeat, each heart listened to the other beat. They had grown tired of the effort. They were sweating a little. It was hot.

Their noses touched, stroked each other.

Suddenly they both noticed the body they had been touching. He perceived her grown breasts under him, she perceived his risen member above hers. They weren’t children anymore. Breathing mixed in the air, heartbeat was faster, heat increased.

Jaime lowered his head, closed his eyes, caressed her lips with his own. He could devour them.

Cersei rubbed his lips, first with her lips, then with her cheek, as she moved her head slightly to the side and then noticed the nightfall.

“Oh, look. It's time. The sunset.” She whispered away as she finished turning her head to rest her other cheek on the ground.

Jaime glanced sidelong at the sky. Good light. How well she looked under it. His gaze returned to her. He rose quietly, leaving her free. She was gorgeous. Unreal. Unattainable. _Untouchable._

“It’s dreamy.” Cersei said as she got up. She looked ahead. She inhaled a breath of air. She took off her shoes, rolled up her dress and put her feet in the water. Her gaze all the time on the landscape.

He did the same thing and went after her. He stood beside her. Unable to take her eyes off her. Hypnotized. Taken by her.

“Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?” Cersei asked, watching the sky and its reflection in the sea.

“Yes… _it_ is.” Jaime replied sincerely, only staring at her.

She was afraid to look at him. He was afraid she would look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if many people read it, they it... Comments encourage me to keep writing. I'm pretty sure I'll continue this story, for myself. So I'd like you to leave comments to know if I can share it around here.


	6. Dancing in flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We're still in King's Landing. Some days after the last chapter. They are fifteen to sixteen years old.)

It had been a few days since Jaime's arrival. He had spoken to his father. He would spend some time at King's Landing before returning to Casterly Rock, as a little vacation, as a reward for being knighted and a break before becoming a Lord.

As his stay would lengthen, that morning he asked his father to write a letter inviting Tyrion to go to King's Landing. Jaime had missed his family and wanted to see his little brother with them.

Cersei and Jaime had found every day a time to be together. They went to that beach whose existence seemed to be known only by them, they talked, played and laughed. There were some sparks between them that they tried not to rub because they could burn when they collided.

That day she was weird, taciturn, evasive, upset. He also realized that there was a nervousness all over the castle, as if they were preparing some important event. Was that what was affecting his sister? Was it because Tyrion was coming and she would have to share him? Was it because of that fire that was growing between them?

Cersei was in a hidden part of the gardens, sitting on a kerb. She took a large leaf from a plant behind her and tore it into pieces, when she had finished she took another and did the same.

Jaime finally found her.

“What have that poor plant done to you?” He said as he was approaching.

She didn't answer, she didn't even look up. She kept shredding leaves.

They heard an orchestra playing beautifully. String and wind instruments were alternating the main melody. It came from the castle.

“Why that music? Do you know what’s going on in there?” He asked trying to rule out that what happened to her has to do with that.

She shook her head, still busy with the leaf. He doubted if that was truth but she didn't feel like talking. He would try to cheer her up in a different way. He cleared his throat.

“May I have this dance?” He stretched out his hand.

“What?” She finally looked at him, surprised.

“I want to dance.”

“You can’t me serious.”

“In fact, I don’t know how. I want you to teach me how to dance!”

“Why would you?”

“Seems fun. Please. Do it for me. I teach you about the lessons I take, I want to learn yours. Please…” He stretched out his hand again.

“Okay.” That time she did take his hand and got up.

“Just –“ Holding his hand, she extended her arm to her right, his left, leaving both hands in the air at the height of their heads. She took his other hand with her free one and placed it on her left shoulder blade. She put her arm over his, her hand on his shoulder. “- like this.”

He recorded the posture, checking if his looked like hers: parallel feet, trunk straight, elbows slightly bent.

“But closer…” She took a step toward him. That closeness left none of them indifferent. “Now some steps, mirror me.” She leaded so he could see. She stepped backwards, so he stepped forward; then, to the side; finally, brought their feet together. “But, _unfortunately_ , you, _man_ , are the _lead_. I, _the woman_ , _follow_.” She uttered those words with a bitter irony. They both laughed at that. She could say such things with her brother.

They moved a few steps more to practice. He was looking at the floor, paying attention to his feet, trying not to step on her.

“There’s nothing there. You have to look at…” - her hand left his shoulder to go to his chin, lifting his head - “my eyes.” She stroked him. She went to the back of his head, gently grabbed his hair, caressing him and forcing him to hold his head like that and face her. “We’ll communicate through them. They’ll guide you and you’ll guide me. And music will take us both. You just have to listen.” Her hand returned to his shoulder.

They kept moving.

“Take a breath. You're holding it!” She smiled trying not to laugh. “Relax. Let the air come in and out.” She did it for him to imitate her. “Don’t think, just let you go.”

He did it and danced with her, much better, following the music.

“That’s all. You almost get it!” She animated him. She increased the speed of movement, he was already confident, but yet programmed.

“Like when you fight with your sword, once you know the positions and movements, you improvise.” Cersei said as she raised her hand with his and did and underarm turn.

“That’s my favorite part.” He spoke for the first time.

Jaime took her by the armpits, lifted her up and turned around with her.

They kept dancing and proving movements. They played. They didn't care about the result anymore, just the fun. He lifted her up in different ways. She would lean back, he would hold her with his hands behind his waist or she dropped sideways into his arms and lifted one leg. They turned in all sort of ways.

They moved until they reached a stone bench. He jumped up and held out his hand to her. They danced holding hands, no longer in any kind of style. He drew her to himself. Almost embraced they made a half turn, exchanged positions. They let themselves fall until they sat down. He was standing on the floor, she was still sitting with her legs to one side. He grabbed her with one arm on the inside of her knees and another on her back. She put her arms around his neck. He danced with her in his arms.

A few drops of rain fell.

“It’s nothing.” Jaime said as he left her on the floor.

They went to the fountain. They climbed its round kerb and went each in one direction, circling the fountain until they met again at the opposite end. The rhythm of the music was slower and its volume lower. The song was ending.

He stepped down and wrapped his arms around her waist. She rested her arms on his shoulders and let herself fall into him. He lifted her up and turned one last time. He slowly lowered her to the ground. He embraced her waist, she moved her hands to his cheeks. The song ended.

Slight raindrops kept falling. It was not enough to put out the fire between them. Their mouths were close, lips about to touch. It seemed inevitable.

It began raining heavily. They looked up at the sky. They ran quickly to the circular garden porch.

“You are not that bad.” Cersei said when they were covered. They didn't get too wet.

“I’m a really good dancer, and so you are. And you like it… dancing.” Jaime smirked trying to provoke her.

“Well, I don’t hate it.”

“Recognize that you like it. I won’t tell anyone.”

“It reminds me of mother... She taught me. When we were little, I'd stand on her feet and she'd dance me all over the room.” Cersei sounded nostalgic.

“I’ve never seen that.”

“You were busy with father in those talks I was not included or doing whatever you did. I was at the library or at de living room, reading the books I have to, sewing or singing. Just when I couldn't take it anymore, mom would come into the room. She’d bring someone to play music and she’d light the fireplace. The flames… it was as if they were dancing with us. She loved it. I loved being with her… I miss her, every day. She was taken away from me, from _us_.”

“He didn’t do it.” Jaime knew what she meant with that.

“Her eyes shut forever the moment he opened his.”

“That doesn’t mean he killed her.”

“He’s here. She’s not!”

“That’s not his fault.”

“Then who’s?”

“Nobody’s.”

“Someone is to blame. Universe can’t be that evil.”

“Cersei, Tyrion also lost his mother…”

“I just… want her back. I still can't understand this is forever. Gone. Sometimes, mostly at nights, when everything is quiet and lonely, I think of her.” Her eyes filled with tears. She bit her lip to try to contain them. “How she filled each room she went into. I wonder how she would look now. Would she already have her first gray hairs? Would she have small wrinkles in her eyes? Like the ones that appeared when she smiled.” A few tears slipped from her eyes. “I’m afraid to forget her, exactly as she was. Her smell. Her voice. Her touch. How she held me, looked me in the eye, told me that everything was fine and I felt safe.” Tears ran down her cheeks uncontrollably

“Hey hey... Shhh...” Jaime comforted her, hugged her and kissed her forehead. “Look at me. You’ll never forget her. Not because there are hundreds of paintings of her, but because you just have to look at yourself. You’ve got her golden hair, her emerald bright eyes…” He held her face in his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs and making her look at him.

“You’ve got them too.” _You hold me, I look you in the eye and I felt safe too._

“But what you have is beyond that. You’ve got her gaze, full of intelligence, ready to defy whatever comes your way. You have her determination, her strength.”

“What about all I had to learn from her? I’m not going to be the woman I was bound to be… without her.”

“You will be a strong unparalleled unstoppable woman. For her.”

“But what if I can’t remember her?”

“That’s not possible. You walk with her. She is in you. Yes, there’s a part of you that went with her. But part of her stayed with you. She lives in here.” He put his hand on her heart. She thought it might come out of her chest. He caressed her cheeks and tear stains.

How good she felt in his arms. But she wanted more of him. If she could just kiss him. Of course she couldn’t, they had been talking about _their_ mother. Because they were twins. Their mother didn’t approve that. _Brother and sister. It can’t be._

But how bad she wanted to kiss him. His lips were so close. But he would never do that. He would never give the _first_ kiss, just wait for her to make the movement. Why did they feel as if their lips had not met before? They weren't playing anymore. _Because now these games are dangerous._

Suddenly she realized _where_ they were and _who_ they were and. In the gardens of the Red Keep. Anyone could see them like that. In fact, anyone could be looking for them. She had a purpose: marrying the prince, being the queen. Theirs could never be. _Cersei and Jaime Lannister_. _It’s so forbidden._

That frustration was breaking her, she showed it in anger. She pulled him away abruptly. She walked away, had her back to him and leaned against the porch railing.

The fear, the cold, came back. How empty she felt without his embrace. God, how much she had missed him. Why did she have to get used to being without him? Yet she hadn't.

The more torn she was, the more angry she seemed.

“You promised to visit me.” Cersei reproached him, chewing the words, without looking at him.

“I did. As much as I could.” Jaime said from behind, he didn't dare move, not even look at her.

“A couple of times during the first months?”

“Casterly Rock was near. I couldn’t come here.” When he was sent to Crakehall, he visited her at Casterly Rock, until a few months later she was taken to King's Landing. “I would have had to cross the realm to see you.” _Maybe I should have_. “I did it as soon as I could, once I was knighted.”

“It’s been years...”

“I raged when father brought you here.” Jaime clenched his fists and turned his head to look at her.

_Raged?_

“That wasn’t enough.” She looked down. She wouldn’t cry. _Not now._

 _He’s leaving again_. She couldn’t get used to him because he was going again. But how much she needed him. She didn't want to need what she could never have.

“When will you go?” Cersei looked ahead again. It was still raining, less and less.

“I intend to stay here for long.” He turned to go to her.

“You’re only passing by. You have to return to Casterly Rock. _Home_... Don’t you want to?” She looked at him. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear his answer, but she wanted to meet his eyes.

“I want to be home.” Jaime stood beside her. “Home...” - he touched her hand and when he saw that she didn't move it away, he held it - “is wherever you are.”

They intertwined their fingers. Rain was stopping. The sun was pulsing to shine again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two chapters have a lot of movement. It has been a bit difficult to write them as I am not a native English speaker. I hope you followed them well.  
> I appreciate very much the comments and opinions, they encourage me to continue writing :)


	7. The eclipse

A month later.

Everyone at The Red Keep was nervous. They had spent weeks preparing the big event: Jaime and Cersei’s birthday. They turned sixteen. There would be a dinner - a royal banquet - then a night ball in the gardens, in the light of the stars. Their uncles, aunts and cousins were there. Some noble families had been invited. The Crakehall and the Tully were there, because of Jaime. Even the Martell were there. Jaime didn't understand why it was so important.

The twins had barely seen each other, they had only come across in the corridors, both accompanied. Their family and servants were very insistent that they know how to behave and what it meant to be sixteen. Especially to her. But Cersei did understand the reasons behind all these. Jaime wasn’t paying much attention. He spent the whole day looking for a moment to approach to her. He found it after the banquet.

She excused herself and left the room. He left after her.

“Where are you going?” He stopped her asking from behind.

“Damn it, Jaime. Are you following me?” She got scared. She turned, annoyed.

“Are you avoiding me?” _Again._ He asked her. Why wasn't she happy to see him. It was their birthday. The first one in which they've been together for years and they hadn't even talked.

“I was just going to pee.” She excused herself as she tried to turn around to leave. She said to the latrine so that her brother wouldn't accompany her. In fact, she was going out for some fresh air. She couldn't stand that feast anymore.

“Hey, we haven’t been together… and alone in all day.” Jaime stopped her.

“Yeah, I know. It’s being a busy day.” Cersei answer with no intention in offering an alternative for them to spend some time alone.

“Can you go to the passages and meet me at the gate?” He directly proposed.

“I don’t think I could. There are a hundred eyes on me. I have to go change clothes for the ball. Special dress.”

“Disappear for a moment. Mislead them. I’m taking you to _Casterly Beach_.” That was the name they had given to their secret place, a part of Casterly Rock in King’s Landing. “Please, I have something for you.” He wouldn't convince her by logic, so he made a homeless puppy face so she couldn't resist.

“I’ll try…” She finally agreed. It wasn't convenient, but being there with him was what she wanted most.

* * *

A few minutes later she was walking through the passages. She saw a shadow at the end of the way. Was her brother on horseback? She walked faster until she confirmed what she saw.

“Come on!” Jaime encouraged her.

“A horse?” They've never been there on horseback before. They had to be discreet, that would be more showy and noisy.

“To get there. You said we have to be quick. Get on the horse.” He moved to leave room for her and leaving the stirrup free so she put her foot in. He held out his hand to help her up.

She got on behind her brother. She hesitated how she would hold on to him. Finally she placed her hands on his sides and grabbed his shirt. She was afraid to be near him, she was afraid to touch him. She liked to control everything, herself included, with him she could not.

“Hold on tight!” Jaime warned as he put his feet back in the stirrups. He hit the side of the horse with one foot and he started to run.

Instinctively, Cersei wrapped her arms around his trunk.

When the distance between them was closed, the air that was between them entered their bodies, a warmth enveloped their hearts, squeezing them.

* * *

They had already left the castle behind. They were far from the "danger zone", nobody had seen them, nobody followed them. Jaime reduced the speed of the horse, Cersei relaxed her grip.

“Would you like to go ahead, ride the horse?”

“Yes! I haven’t done it in years.” She rode on short, slow walks through the gardens. No cross country. Her father wouldn't let her go into the woods.

He got off the horse, she moved ahead, taking the reins.

“Okay, take it easy.” Jaime said as he climbed up behind her.

“Now you hold on tight!” She hit the side of the horse with her foot in the stirrup and he speeded up.

Like she had done before, Jaime wrapped her waist with his arms. As she was shorter and thinner, he could see the front and placed his head over her right shoulder.

They were going faster and faster. She leaded, dodging trees, jumping trunks off the ground. They laughed. And yes, she was losing control. She felt free. At that instant they had no name, no last name, no family. They were leaves, the only two of their branch, fallen from a heavy tree and being carried away by the air.

They were coming to the end of the forest, the entrance to the beach. The trees were very close together and they had to set aside some branches to pass.

“We need to stop.” Jaime said in her ear.

Cersei pulled the reins, the horse slowed slightly, but he was going so fast that stopping him required a force she did not have.

“Cersei, stop!” Jaime repeated.

She couldn't, she wouldn't say _she couldn't_.

Jaime realized the situation. They had both forgotten, but she had not ridden for a long time. He put his hands on the reins next to hers and pulled towards him, the horse finally stopped.

“That was close...” Jaime sighed with relief.

“Lie, we could have gone through it with the horse.” Cersei proudly said.

“Maybe.” He let her believe that. “But I need you to stop seeing.” He pulled a piece of cloth out of his pocket. “The surprise.” He smiled at her who wasn’t understanding his intentions.

He covered her eyes with the cloth and knotted it from behind. He got off the horse. He put the branches aside to go to the beach. He grabbed him by the buckle of the bridle and, walking, led him to the shore. Then he tied the reins to a log.

With her eyes blindfolded and her sight annulled she began to attend to her other senses, the smells of flowers and sea, the heat and the breeze, the leaves moving and the birds singing, the waves crashing, the comfort of her brother's company, the jitters, her sweaty hands on the saddle, her heartbeat.

Then she felt his hands on her hips. She jumped down, he held her.

“Can I take it off?” She asked.

“No!” He screamed, he wanted it to be perfect. “Give me a moment.”

She heard noises: something heavy being dragged through the sand, then that same object impacting against the water and floating and Jaime's steps to get behind her.

“Now you can.” His hand was about to untie the knot of the bandage. “Oh, Wait!” He lowered his hand. “I have a better idea.”

She felt one of her arms on her back and another behind her knees. She surrounded his neck with her arms. He lifted her up. She heard his feet entering the water with her in his arms and perceived a few drops splashing her.

“Jaime, what are you doing?” Was he considering throwing her into the water? She was kicking. “Don’t!”

“Trust me.” Jaime asked her, preventing her from taking off the bandage.

Cersei certainly trusted him.

He put her down. She was sitting on something. Was it wood what she touched? She rocked in it.

“Take it off.” He whispered in front of her.

When she did, she found a wonderful sight, which she smiled at. Her brother smiling at her in the center in the foreground, behind him a sky where a light blue merged with a pink to integrate into the orange, the sun on his right, about to hide.

She looked down. They were in a boat. His hands were on oars.

“Wow… I love this! Thank you.” She looked surprise by the present but mostly she looked happy.

“Happy birthday.” He just said. His sight was beautiful, too. _Her_. The moon behind was rising in a sky whose blue darkened to go to a purple.

“Happy birthday.” She replied.

“I'm glad you mentioned it. Because I wasn't going to let this be only for you, you'll have to share it with me.”

“Of course.” She smiled and put her hand on his. “Stop rowing. Let's flow with the tide, let it take us where it pleases.”

He smiled back and left the oars.

She rose to sit beside him, hugging his arm.

“Thank you.” She whispered in his ear and kissed him on the cheek.

“You’ve already said that.”

“For _everything_.” She rested her head on his shoulder, looking ahead, so she saw his sight. “Look! There's sun and moon at the same time! It can happen. I’ve sometimes seen it from here. I don't know what it depends on.” She moved the oar until she turned the boat a bit so that they both saw both images.

“But they are too far away.”

“Yes, they never meet.”

“They do.” He intertwined the hand of the arm she embraced with his. “Haven’t you heard tales about them?”

“Of course I have. But there are too many, you don’t know what to believe.”

“The one you like the most.”

“Well I’m sure she is a woman. I don’t know about him. He must be a man, since they are opposites. Some myths say they're twins. They were born the first time that the sky fell on the earth. When they came together, one big ball of light was formed, and when they separated the ball was divided into two halves. One watched over them by day and the other by night. Both equally needed. Together making a _whole_.” She looked at him. How handsome he was. He was light, purity. His heart was clear, deeply good.

“Once around a fire, I heard legend a knight told. According to it, they fall in love but they could never touch. They waited for it every day. They were always about to… but it never happened, because when the moon rose, the sun was setting. So the gods created the eclipse,“ – he looked at her - “to show that no love is impossible.”

“When will it be one?” She watched him absorbed.

“I don’t know. There’s one each many years.”

She had some hairs on her face that the air moved, he put them behind her ear with his free hand. Once it grazed her skin he couldn't leave it. He stroked her cheek with his fingers. Then their foreheads rubbed. Then their noses played to caress each other and breathed each other' air. Their eyes were narrowed, looking at each other's lips.

“I want it now.” She said in a choppy voice.

“It’s a bit difficult – “ He didn't finish the word.

Her lips silenced his. She caught his lower lip with hers. He was surprised. Then she kissed his upper lip, now he kissed her back, wrapping her lower lip.

Cersei separated and smiled against his lips. Jaime put his hand to her neck, his thumb to her jaw, brought her face closer to his and caught her lips again. This time passionately. He slightly pulled out his tongue and licked her lip, asking permission to enter, she parted them granting it. Their tongues fought a duel to dominate the other, as when they fought with the swords. Then they both moved in harmony, as when they danced. They finally tasted each other’s flavor, until they forgot their own. So later, they were drinking themselves from the other. The answer to _what am I_ was in the other. They have never been close to any truth. There and then that was the rightest thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/opinions/reviews... are appreciated! knowing that you read me encourages me to keep writing :)


	8. Undivided love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have something important to say. This week or next week I will upload what will probably be the last chapter. This story is coming to an end. Maybe I'll start a sequel or create a series. I'll think about it, what do you think?  
> I hope you like it!

A few hours later the musicians played in the gardens of The Red Keep. The guests danced, smiled, ate and drank. There were round tables in the gardens with candles in the center and food and drink around. A bright, full moon illuminated the night and let some stars be seen.

Cersei was on the balcony leaning against the railing. She didn't pay much attention to the people. From time to time she would look for Jaime in the crowd, but she hadn't seen him in a while. She looked at Rhaegar, who was in a corner of the garden playing the harp. 

She had changed her dress. A golden and red one. With gorgeous details of precious stones and embroidered lions. It was tight at the top. It marked her figure from the waist up and kept her straight, upright, powerful. From the waist down it was wide and made of light fabric, to move with the dancing.

“Don't you want to dance? I have to bring out my talents.” Her brother’s voice said from behind. Why does he always find her like that?

“I don't feel like it.” She felt like being alone.

“Not even here with me?” Jaime walked towards her.

“I don't think we should dance together, everyone can see us.” She hadn't even looked at him yet.

“So what? It's a dance. Besides, they're busy getting drunk.” He stood by her side. She was pretty. Should he tell her? She didn’t seem in the mood.

“I should be down there dancing with Rhaegar. But he's there with his business, secluded.” She was totally immersed in her thoughts and in what she was seeing.

“Well, let him be. You don't need him to have fun. He seems very boring.” He turned her to him to get her out of all that. Always with a smirk on his face.

“Fun.” She smiled bitterly. “It's not all about that, Jaime. You don't know it, do you?” Now she wouldn't look away from him, trying to read his face.

“Know what?” His smirk was fading away.

“The reason for this big show. It's so obvious.” She gave him some seconds to respond. Nothing. “How is it possible? Sometimes you choose not to think and you are actually able to stop doing it. I envy you.” She looked apathetic, she always seemed so when she was most affected.

He kept with his mouth shut.

“We’re sixteen…” She began. Still nothing, he refused to see it. “Oh, look at me! I'm just a gift wrapped in the most eye-catching paper. Look at all those people! Why are they here? What do noble families, like the Martell, have to do in here? When we were children, Mother had future plans to _marry_ ” – that was the word he feared – “us to Oberyn and Elia. Don't you remember they came to visit us? Shortly after she died. The Martells wanted the betrothal. Father refused.”

He was quiet so she went on.

“Apparently, they still _are_ interested.” _What else could it be_? “But if they dare to propose it, father would refuse again. He doesn’t like them.” Indeed, too liberal for the strict Tywin. “So don’t worry about yourself.” She was worried about him. “You'll have your choices.”

 _And you…?_ He asked her with his eyes. He was worried about her.

“I guess I’ve already have a deadline.” Cersei swallowed saliva before she spoke. “Father and Aerys arranged that Rhaegar and I would marry when I turned sixteen. It’s no longer a promise, words… It’s going to happen in less than a year.” She sentenced.

A pause. Reality beat him. The world fell on him. But he would lift it up, if it was for her.

“Maybe we can do something.” Jaime proposed without any idea in mind. He would think of one. Escape together? He didn't dare ask. Too much to give up.

“Like what?” Cersei asked ironically and chuckled. They could do nothing. “And _why_?” She didn’t want to either. “If I have to marry someone, I'd rather it be him.”

“But you don’t like each other. You would just like to be queen.” It sounded like a reproach. Her previous reply had hurt him and he raised his voice.

“I haven't decided anything. I can’t! And I do like him!” She was aggressive, but speaking softly so no one would hear them.

“I haven’t decided _this_ ” – his hand pointed his heart – “either, what I feel… I _love_ you.”

That hit her. That statement could not be said out loud. “And so do I. How could I not? You are my _brother_.” She tried to fix it, not because there was someone listening, for themselves.

“No, what I mean is…” He specified but she knew it. He placed one hand behind her waist and drew her to him, the other one caressing her cheek. It scares me but – he thought but only whispered in her mouth. “It scares me but I think I’m _in love_ with you.”

 _I’m in love with you and I’m terrified,_ her inner voice said. On the outside she was petrified.

He stroked her lower lip with his thumb.

“It’s wrong.” Cersei struggled with herself to move away but her body asked her to keep on.

“It doesn´t feel wrong.” With his hand he brought her face closer until their lips were rubbing.

With all her will, Cersei managed to turn it and look away. Then she saw him, stood at the balcony entry, he was going to them but he stopped.

“Rhaegar.” Her heart paused, when a strong beat came back Cersei pushed her brother away.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I'm sorry.” Rhaegar excused himself watching their panic faces. He turned around and left.

They didn’t move. Time stopped. It ran again when Cersei move of a sudden.

“I have to go.” She went to the stairs. To follow her betrothed.

“I go with you.” Jaime followed her but she abruptly stopped him.

“No! You stay here. Don't make it worse” Cersei ordered him with a threating look and left.

Jaime stayed there with a pale face, not because Rhaegar had discovered them, but because he felt he had failed her.

* * *

“Rhaegar, please, wait!” Cersei reached him when he had almost reached the place where he was before, the harp was still there.

“Oh, I was looking for you, but I didn’t want to bother. It could have waited.”

“I don't know what you saw. But I know what it may look like…” Cersei began to explain but stopped talking when he turned around.

“I need to show you something. It’s a birthday present.” Rhaegar interrupted her.

“Don’t you want to talk?” She couldn’t believe his attitude. Why did he act like it was normal? Should they just pretend like nothing happened?

“We can talk later. Now listen. I composed this.” He sat down. His fingers mildly touched the strings of the harp. He played an accompaniment melody from chords. Then he sang over it another melody with the lyrics of a sonnet he had written:

_“Let me confess that we two must be twain,_

_Although our undivided loves are one:_

_So shall those blots that do with me remain,_

_Without thy help, by me be borne alone._

_In our two loves there is but one respect,_

_Though in our lives a separable spite,_

_Which though it alter not love's sole effect,_

_Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight._

_I may not evermore acknowledge thee,_

_Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,_

_Nor thou with public kindness honour me,_

_Unless thou take that honour from thy name:_

_But do not so, I love thee in such sort,_

_As thou being mine, mine is thy good report.”_

When he finished singing, the harp music was left alone again until it faded out.

“It’s very beautiful, Rhaegar.” was all Cersei could say, with tears in her eyes.

“This is the poem written and the score of the melody.” Rhaegar gave her a paper rolled up and tied with a ribbon. “I did it for you. The story just came to my mind. You inspired it.”

“Me?” Cersei asked, dumbfounded, but flattered. That lyric had touched her, like a blanket over the heart.

“Both of you!” Rhaegar said. “Jaime and you. Give that to him.” That was his way to tell her, them, that he knew and allowed it.

“I think that’s implying –“ When she understood him she blushed.

“I’ve seen you together many times, just playing, but the way you look at each other betrays you. No one here notices that.” He interrupted her again so she wouldn't waste time denying the undeniable.

“We like being together. We are siblings, twins,” – she corrected herself – “that’s a stronger bond, but there’s nothing more between us. I promise you.” She believed she was saying the truth, wasn’t she?

Rhaegar realized she wasn't lying to him. She really hadn't recognized her feelings yet. “You two are in love.” He made a pause for her to listen to that. “I don’t judge it. If I had a sister I would be married to her by now. Since that’s unlikely, I will probably marry you. And that’s exactly why I could never love you, at least not like _he_ does.” Rhaegar spoke with simplicity and frankness. “Loving the one person you are supposed to marry. That’s too easy, not exciting, passionate.” He said with obviousness, as if it were absurd.

Cersei has spent years loving Rhaegar and trying to earn his love. She wondered what he felt and now she knew he'd never love her. She felt a small hole opening in her heart, as if a thorn had been torn from it. The tug hurt, but also did the thorn, and now it was gone.

Rhaegar saw sadness - relieving at the same time - in her gaze and approached her. “You are beautiful, born to be queen: a precious emerald, so majestic.” He held her hand, then with his he continued tracing her arm up, to her neck, face, lips. “Perhaps I do love you, right now. But I fall in love every day. Even if I don’t, we could pretend well.” He kissed her gently. “See?”

 _See?_ She hadn’t felt anything with that kiss she had dreamt so much of. His touches, which she had longed for, did not console her. _Is he right about love? You always want what you can’t have and once you have it you don’t want it anymore?_

He slowly moved away. “And in the meantime you can be with your brother and I will be waiting for _my_ love. That forbidden love that you will want to shout out but it must be secret, and that you will fight to protect it until it leads you to your own end… Always unattainable _._ ” _Unattainable. You never completely have it, you never stop wanting it._ “That’s Jaime and you.”

“It’s… sin.”

“Because somebody said so? It wouldn't be if you were Targaryen. One just loves… the person, not the circumstances. Well, we are attracted to difficult circumstances. Anyway, love is no sin.”

“Don’t you think it’s sickness… madness?”

“Yours?” Rhaegar asked and she nodded. He thought the answer as if it was _the_ question, the matter of life. “ _Love_ , in general, might be sickness. The soul of the other person spreading by taking yours until there is nothing left of it… If it is, I don't think it has a cure. And madness…” He smiled. “True love is always madness.”

Cersei hesitated, still unable to believe she was having that conversation, living that situation.

“It's not as hard as you think it is. It takes courage to love.” Rhaegar tried to give it to her. “Come on, go tell him all this!”

She thanked him, kissed him on the cheek and went running from there.

* * *

They were both searching for each other. They met face to face. They were quiet for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry.” Jaime said. He had tried to kiss his sister. _You can’t do that._ “I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking –“

Now he was doubting but she was sure.

“It’s alright.” Cersei threw herself into his arms and closed her eyes. “I love you.” She whispered in his ear. He closed his eyes and held her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem that appears is Shakespeare's sonnet 36.  
> Comments are always appreciated!


	9. The Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Short update but it is taking me A LOT to write the scene that follows at the end of this chapter (but I think it will be worth it...) As I don't know when I'll have it and I'm very busy this week I've decided to publish what I already have (although in the beginning everything was going to be one chapter, now they will be two). I hope I have it as soon as possible. I'd really appreciate if you let me know your impressions :)

Dinner was coming up. Before it, Tywin had requested Jaime's presence to walk through the gardens and deal with important issues. Cersei had a bad feeling, as well as a bewilderment about discussing «important» subjects in the gardens. She hid and left them a certain margin and when they were a little far away, she followed them.

“Yeah, I'm sure you're enjoying your stay here.” Those are her father's first words to her brother that she was able to distinguish. “You look happy. Even your sister does. But one can never relax. I’m glad you pay us a visit, but it’s lasting a month. It’s time to go back reality. Don’t you think so?”

“Sure. I don’t forget about that. I like nothing more than riding a horse and fighting with the sword. I am doing it. I’m a _warrior_.” That was what defined him. His identity.

“You are a young and distinguished knight.” _But…_ “I remember when you were a skilled, brave and curious child.” It was taking him longer than he expected. Tywin had to go to the point. “You are my heir and nothing will please me more than seeing you one day taking that position, married to a woman from one of the Great Houses of Westeros.” 

Cersei's heart was pounding, and when he heard that, it stopped.

“Married?” Jaime asked. Could people stop mentioning that word to him forever?

“Yes. Marriage. Haven’t you thought about it yet?” He wanted to test how far his son was from the matter.

“I haven’t had the honor.” Jaime, who saw himself far from that, only wanted to sound polite. He believed that this conversation had nothing to do with him.

Cersei was suspicious. Did it have to do with him? Every time his father wanted to talk to her about his engagement to Rhaegar, they had done it at his table, as if it was a business and she was his partner. Why did he talk to him in the garden, as if he was... his son?

“You haven’t had the time.” Tywin excused him. “You had other matters to attend. But now we need to start looking at this one.”

“Seems you have already done.” Now Jaime was suspicious too. Was he going to talk to him about available young ladies? He would listen a little and nod, but he wasn't interested.

“Indeed. To sum up: You will marry Lysa Tully, Hoster’s youngest daughter.” Tywin sentenced.

Jaime stopped to face him. Cersei stepped out of hiding to listen to them better, to see what she could not believe. She didn't care if they discovered her.

“But I don’t know her. I know who she is, but nothing more. We have exchange two words.” Jaime said overwhelmed.

“Now you’ll have the chance. She’s still here with her family. They are my guests. And yours.”

“Do I have something to say?”

“Barely, I’m afraid. Son, this is how the life we live in works. We are all pieces from a chess board. One know what he is and how he can move, with it one must play his best game.”

“This is fast. We can wait.”

“You are old enough. So she is. They won’t wait. A maiden newly flowered is really precious. There’s a couple left. Almost all the young ladies of the Great Houses have already been betrothed. If we delay it, they will soon find other _offer_.” Offer. As if it was an auction. If it was, Tywin would win it. “I will marry you and your sister this year.” He said to himself a long time ago that his children would marry at the age of sixteen – as if it were an exact science, subtracting all the emotional implication of a father - and so it would be.

As his father spoke, he could not look into his eyes and look around, to see if anything inspired him to find a solution. Then he saw her, her sister standing behind their father, petrified. _Shit_. She had heard everything. When her glances crossed, she made a disgusted face, turned around and ran away. He wanted to go after her but his body didn’t respond.

“Jaime?” His father called. “Come on. Think about it. We can talk later. Dinner must be ready.”

* * *

Cersei went up to her room and slammed the door shut. She did not understand how the world could keep spinning if hers had stopped, she needed to hold it in her hands and break it. She looked around for answers. She threw the glass jar and the bowl with fruit off the table. Beside them, she found a knife. Furious, she grabbed it and with it in her hand continued to throw and break objects.

She slashed a couple of dresses she had out of the previous days, those she had worn with him, those he had liked. She stabbed him, she stabbed the past.

She took off the one she was wearing and she also shattered it in her underwear dress. She stabbed herself, she stabbed the present.

She went to the balcony and ripped the curtains, through them she could see the sky they had contemplated so many times and in which they had placed so many dreams, now gone. She stabbed them, she stabbed the future.

When the curtains were only pieces of fine cloth on the floor, she contemplated the disaster she had made and it only reminded her of the indelible situation. She screamed and fell exhausted to the ground. She cried and cried.

* * *

Jaime and Tywin arrived to the dining room. Tyrion was sitting waiting for them. The food was on the table.

 _Where is Cersei?_ Jaime wondered.

“Where is my daughter?” Tywin asked.

“She is in bed, my Lord.” That’s what Cersei told to Delia when she found her crying disconsolate. Delia knew she was lying but she now told the same lie. “She’s been all afternoon with a terrible stomach ache. She shouldn’t have dinner. I’ve spoken to the Maester, he’s making an herbal infusion for her. I’ll take it to her.”

Jaime almost offered to take it to her. He knew she lied. Cersei wasn’t sick, if she was it was with jealousy. She was angry, she was hurt.

“Good.” Tywin responded. “We begin then.”

Jaime intended to finish quickly.

* * *

Delia had tidied the room and calmed the beast in Cersei. She had washed the nervous sweat of crying off her body with a damp towel, put the nightgown on her, combed her hair, got her to really get into bed and drink the infusion. She wasn't crying anymore, maybe because she had dried out. Her gaze was absent, her eyes were red and swollen and there were tearstains on her cheeks.

Delia was there, in her chambers, with her. But Cersei was alone. More than ever. Because she was losing Jaime to other woman. _No Jaime_ was _a nightmare_ , but _no Jaime for her and Jaime for another one_ was _unbearable_. Cersei imagined his arms holding other body, his hands stroking other skin; hers hurt where he would not be touching her, she trembled longing for his absent caress that would be placed on someone else. It made her sick, upset stomach burning inside and queasy sensation of unreality: her excuse was becoming an actual malaise.

“I won’t leave until you eat a little.” Delia brought her a tray with a light dinner, since there was nothing wrong with her stomach but what she had created, she had to eat.

“I may throw it up.” Cersei warned her. She knew Delia knew what happened to her. Delia always knew, but they would never talk about it. It was an unspeakable truth.

“We’ll take that risk.” Delia said as she grabbed the spoon, loaded it with a vegetable puree and brought it closer to Cersei's mouth.

“I’m not a child.” Cersei grunted.

“Don’t be childish, then.” Delia made a pause. She doubted about what to say next. “Adults know things are never like we want them to be.” Delia finally said, with a cautioning look and that was all she would said.

Cersei frowned. _Things can be like we want them to be, maybe just for a while. You can't take it away from me._ _Not him._ _Not yet. Not now. Why now._ She thought. _They don’t understand._

With a defiant look, Cersei took the spoon. Delia didn't understand her either. So she wanted her gone. If she had to finish that damn puree so she could go, she'd eat it even if she threw it up. She finished quickly. “That’s it.”

Delia smiled, stood up and went to her boudoir table.

“What…? No! I don’t need that now.” Cersei said as she saw that not only she wasn’t leaving but coming back with three grooming products and a hand mirror.

“I like seeing you pretty. Close your eyes. I promise I’ll leave.” Delia proposed and Cersei agreed. She applied flesh-colored powders around her eyes and some pink ones on her cheeks. “Here she is. My beautiful unwavering lioness.” She gave her the hand mirror and kissed her forehead. “Rest, sweetheart... And give that heart a break.” She left.

Cersei looked in the mirror. Who was that? In the dark deep pupils of those teary greenish eyes was Jaime drowning, in stagnant water, where nothing ever come. Two new tears fell from her eyes. _No._ She wiped them away. _Enough._

 _It won’t come alone._ She looked in the mirror again. Delia was right: her heart could rest, her head would work. _I’m Cersei Lannister._ Where they were before that? She would marry Rhaegar who did understand her. She would be _queen_ and things would be as she pleased. She didn't have to give _that_ up, she didn't have to give Jaime up.

She had remembered, come back to earth, to herself. Now she had to think. She left the mirror on the bedside table and lay on the bed looking at the ceiling.

 _We belong together._ Nothing would tear them apart. _He won’t go, he won’t leave my side._ _I will burn cities to the ground before I let that happen._ Riverrun with House Tully, even her beloved Casterly Rock with all her memories, King’s Landing or the whole Seven Kingdoms.

 _He is mine_. She repeated herself. He was hers by _nature_ , he had to be by _law_. He was hers by _blood_ , he had to be by _oath_. He was bound to her by _flesh and bone_ , a rope that others couldn't see, so couldn’t break. She needed to tie him to her with one of _vows_ , whose existence could be testified. He couldn’t swear his love to her, so _he won’t swear it to anyone else_. He could swear that.

_If he just…_

She had it:

_He has to join the Kingsguard._

She was thinking in a way of persuading him when someone knocked the door. _It must be her again._ She didn't want to be interrupted.

“Delia, please, I’m so tired.” Cersei said as she turned to look at the door.

Jaime stepped in. He closed and locked the door, not sure if he was ready to face her. Was she?


	10. The Maiden

Jaime stepped in. He closed and locked the door, not sure if he was ready to face her. Was she?

Cersei definitely wasn’t. She rolled over on the bed, turning her back on him.

“How are you feeling?” Jaime asked directly.

“You can imagine.” Cersei wouldn’t lie to him. She tried to remember what his reaction had been when their father first told them about his intention to marry her to Rhaegar but they were little. Had Jaime been upset?

“I can’t. Your stomach. Is it better?” Jaime smirked, pointing out her excuse.

“Oh…go!” Cersei could have slap that stupid smirk off his face. “Leave me alone.” She asked wishing he wouldn’t do so.

“What have I done?” Jaime spoke in a mocking innocent tone, and that made her more nervous.

“ _Nothing_! You _never_ do anything. That’s also doing something.” Cersei was determined not to look at him, not to see his charms and not to be distracted.

“Let’s talk about it.” Jaime said as he'd sit on the other side of the bed.

“Not now. I would like to be alone. Leave.” She repeated just wanting him to stay. She had not yet come up with a plan to persuade him.

Instead of leaving Jaime came closer, gently ran his fingers over her arm, pulled her hair away from her face and caressed her cheek.

Cersei moved her shoulder to push his hand away and sat at the edge of the bed, still with her back to him.

“Turn around... Please, look at me.” He, from behind, put his hands on her shoulders and stroked his arm down to his hands, then put his head on his shoulder and tried to look for her gaze.

She stood up abruptly, so did he. And again he tried to embrace her from behind.

“Don’t touch me.” She tried to struggle a little, not to melt with his tender caresses, but he delicately turned her to face him, but her head looked down, denying him her gaze. He knew sometimes she needed the opposite of what she was claiming. He couldn’t trust her words as much as he trusted her eyes, there he always found what truly happened to her.

“Cersei…” Jaime put his hand on her chin and raised her head with it until she finally looked at him.

As soon as she looked her reflection in his eyes she saw herself so small, so alone, so needed of him, that she was about to burst into tears. She was so frightened by that vulnerability that he pushed him away with all the strength she had left.

“I wish I didn’t know you.” She meant it. In that moment. Both knew it. Cersei shouted out her deepest secret wish. He was petrified. She couldn't hold his gaze any longer so she turned around again before letting two tears escape. “I wish I wasn’t Cersei Lannister or you weren’t Jaime Lannister. I wish you were Rhaegar Targaryan. I wish I was Lisa Tully.”

She walked forward until she stopped at the balcony open doors, looked at the landscape through the piece of hanging cloth remained from the curtains. But she did not come out, she did not want anyone to see her.

All Jaime saw of her was her back again, but this time she was standing. He saw his golden curls falling on her white nightgown fitted in the part of her chest, golden straps and two golden belts, one below her breast and the other at her waist, among them there was an embroidery of flowers with purple, scarlet, red and pink threads, then it fell loosely down to the floor. It wrapped her clear skin; covered her fine body, perfectly polished like the marble sculpture of a goddess.

The little breeze that came in from the air made it stick to her figure, marking her shape, like the frame that completes the art of the painting. The little sunlight that was left from that day was all on her. He could have sworn he was before a goddess, the Maiden herself.

“Or we could be just us, together from the very beginning” - _because I don’t want to lose all the years we have live together_ – “but both Targaryan.” Jaime spoke from behind. He had grown tired of her pushing and shoving. He wouldn’t move. He would just stood. _This time she would come to me._

“But we are not. We are Lannisters. I will marry Rhaegar, who will never love me, and you will marry that Tully.” Cersei said looking straight ahead. She wouldn't move either, she wouldn't even look at him.

“I won’t. I don’t love her.”

“What does it matter? It was settled long time ago. You thought you were sent to Riverrum because of your skills as a squire. Wrapped in a golden armor, for Lysa and her family. You were another present, just like me. The difference is that you don’t notice.”

“I didn’t… She was seated next to me during meals… I didn’t pay her any attention.” Jaime admitted with a kind of guilt.

“Sure. It was right in front of your eyes and you didn’t even see it. How can you be such a fool?”

“I couldn’t see her because I was too busy thinking about you.”

“Thinking?” She let out a little laugh. “You dream, evade reality, laugh at it… And again, not doing.”

“What could I have done?”

“Do I always have to tell you? Make you own choices, since _you_ _can_ choose. Besides, it’s done.”

 _What can I do now?_ She was expecting him to ask her. The she would guide him to the answer she had thought before. But instead,

“You are jealous.” He had a little explosion. “The world doesn't revolve around you.” _But his did._ “You didn't mind marrying Rhaegar, you never minded my feelings about that. But now it's the other way around. Does it hurt?” He wanted to prick her.

“It’s not the same…” Cersei glanced sidelong at him for a second before returning her sight to the front. She restrained herself from exploding to suffocate his. She would prick him as well, by presenting him the facts. “Soon you’ll have to move to Casterly Rock. What will be left for us? We'll meet at family gatherings with everyone else, once or twice a year, hopefully. But as it is now, we won’t see each other again.” Her voice sounded quiet and about to break, but that real sadness could be useful now.

“I won’t move if you don’t.” His sounded forceful, yet deluded.

“I can’t reject the future king. Can you disobey father and not become his heir?” _Can you?_ She provoked him. “If it’s not Lysa, it will be another but one day you’ll have to marry and leave Kings Landing… leave me.”

That seems to have hit her more.

“No.” He would not accept that.

She nodded. _It’s not only “no”, Jaime. Think of solutions._ She didn’t speak, she gave him time.

“There's got to be some way.” Jaime refused to give in.

_It is._

“I won’t marry or inherit.” He knew his place was not at court, but on the battlefields and above all, - “I won’t leave you.” - his place was with her.

_Then… what do you have to do?_

“You are right. I can choose.” He was firm, determined.

_Yes, so… What can you chose?_

“I’m going to join the Kingsguard.”

She smiled sideways: _got it_.

“Would you really…” - Her voice faded as she turned to finally meet his gaze. – “… do that?”

She saw him: crystalline eyes contemplating her as if she had bewitched him, chest open as if he had been shot with an arrow, firm feet but bent knees. He was totally given to her. Did he really love her so much as to suggest what she would have never dared to ask? The she doubted if she deserved it.

“I’ll take the vows, no wife and no lands.” But he was sure.

“That’s…” Cersei began, unbelieving, not for him, for her. _He can’t. Not for me._

“I’ll live here. I’ll swear to protect the king and the royal family.”

“… crazy.” _I won’t let him._

“I’ll keep you from harm.”

“Father won’t approve.”

“He will have to. I made up my mind.”

“That’s no life for you.”

“No life is being away from you. Like this we’ll always be together. Isn’t that what you want?” He wasn't moving towards her. He didn't know if it was because he couldn't, because of her, or because he simply _couldn't_.

She nodded.

“Say it. Say that’s what you want and I’ll give it to you. Anything you ask. What do you want?”

“I want you by my side.”

“I’m whatever you want me to be.” His _being_ had flown away, he was only _hers_. “What do you want of me?”

“I want _you_. All of you.” She said, now firmly, as she went toward him, what he had offered she would take it.

Cersei leapt into his arms. Her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. He held her. She had thrown herself so hard that he lost his balance and fell, with her on top, to the bed. She embraced him with fury and need, like someone who grabs the mast of a ship in a wreck. Her life depended on it. But that mast was as fragile and unstable as the tide and did not know if she wanted him to save her or to drown with her. She kissed him as if the only air left in the world was the one in his mouth. And he didn't mind giving it all to her until he ran out of breath. The _sweetest_ death. He opened his mouth for her to introduce her tongue, because they both needed to taste each other, as if they were addicts, although perhaps that favorite flavor was _poison_.

They lost themselves on each other's lips until they realized they needed to separate them a little to breathe. He smiled against her mouth, she slowly got up, kneeling on the bed, with his waist between her legs. With her hand he began playing with the edge of his blouse, slowly she was lifting it up, until it reached his arms and he rose for a moment to help her take it off. She threw it on the floor.

She grabbed her hands still stretched out where the shirt had come out. She traced her arms down to her chest, waist, abdominals... Her brother's bare torso. For her. So changed. So long without seeing it, touching it... She drew each muscle with her fingers. It was a curiosity that became desire. She reached his hip and stroked to the limit of his pants. She unbuttoned them and caressed the edge of his underwear by pulling it down a little.

He gasped, his cock hardened, she looked at him and found permission to pull down his pants and underwear leaving him completely naked under her. He helped her by pushing her body backwards with his elbows until he lay down resting his head on the pillow. As before, her fingers traced their way this time up, from the feet that had loosened the clothes, the entire length of the legs to the hips again. Until she repositioned herself where she was, kneeling with him underneath, without resting her weight on him, leaving a little space for her hand to stroke his cock. It got totally hard and he moaned. So did she. She stopped to sit on him again. She leaned over him and asked in a whisper in his mouth.

“Aren't you going to take this off me?” and went back to her kneeling position.

Jaime nodded like a trained dog. He wanted it. He obeyed, but not his desires, but her voice. He brushed the back of his thighs up to her ass. She didn't wear underwear to sleep, just the nightgown, like most women. He grabbed her ass and attracted her more to him, then he travelled to her hips, came to her pussy, rubbed it and stopped for a short exploration with his fingers. She was wet. She grabbed the lower part of the nightgown and as she had done before he began to lift it up discovering her body. Her hands could grasp the cloth as they stroked the uncovered part accompanying her gaze. Her thin belly, her fine waist, the soft flesh surrounding her ribs… her breasts. The last time he had touched them they kept the relief of the abdomen, now they were two mountains. He caressed them gently, tender slopes and summit, summits, the hard rocks of her nipples. She raised her arms so he finally took her nightgown off her body. And there she was, completely naked on top of him. The Maiden giving herself to him. It was already dark outside, the room was illuminated by warm candlelights that Delia had left on the bedside tables. Cersei was golden right between the two candelabras, the flames reflected in her eyes. He looked at her for a few seconds not knowing if she was real and then touched her again to verify it.

She hadn't stopped doing it at any time. They could not leave each other’s skin. In that touch they held and couldn't lose it. As if they were going to escape from the force of gravity and fall into emptiness.

She moved her hips, a small circular move, then up and down rubbing her cunt against his cock. She stopped gazing at his body to then look him in the eye. He could not stand it any longer and rose to capture her lips with his own, with a hand behind her neck and the other one on the bed to support his weight and then help him lie down again with her without breaking the kiss. Once there, he rolled them so he was on top of her and caressed her cheek, she also placed one hand behind her neck, stroking his hair. He left her lips, that formed a trusting smile. They looked at each other’s eyes and she nodded slightly, so that he would do what they both wanted to do. Right there she was open to him, giving him access not only to her body but to her heart.

With the other hand she guided him to her entrance. He began to enter her. They didn't kiss now because they didn’t want to lose the eyes of the other. They didn't speak because there was no room for words where feeling overflowed.

When he thought he couldn't be any further in, very slowly he moved in and out and kissed her neck, collarbones, cleavage. She wrapped his waist with her legs, and her arms around his back, opening wider and pushing him towards her so that she could go the deepest. Both groaned and Cersei bit her lip before devouring his. He moved again, this time faster, and she joined him.

Tongues and bodies danced. Two different but complementary dances. Only one rhythm. Two bodies become one, one sweet, one moan, one breath. Everything around them disappeared completely.

The body was not even a body, but a fullness, stripped of the human, the feminine, the masculine, a union far from everything that separates. All existence was concentrated in that moment. Two halves making a _whole_.

He remembered who he was, what he was made of, she forgot, stop being, lose ego. He returned to where he belonged, she recovered what had always been missing. It felt like _home_.

It felt like _nature_. Mother nature welcoming them in her embrace. Where they felt the elements: the _air_ of their mouths; the clear _water_ that run through her legs; the wood of the tree that was his cock that rose up erect from the _earth_ , his body; the _fire_ in their skins that warned them of the danger, but they were burning and didn't care to consume themselves. The whole room could be in flames and take them to Hell, they wouldn’t notice, wouldn’t mind.

Instead, they touched the sky. They came to the gates of Heaven. Paradise. Pleasure. Release. One last moaning. His river meeting her sea. Then relax. Abandonment. Peace. He dropped himself on her, resting his head on her shoulder, leaving a soft kiss there before.

“I’m yours and you’re mine.” Cersei said in his ear.

Jaime nodded, _yours_ , and added in a whisper. “From this day till the end of my days.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. Sorry it took so long, I've been missing. I had A LOT of work and when I finished I got sick. By the way, I've written this chapter with a fever, maybe I'm digressing. A few things:  
> \- It's the first time I write something like this. Also their first time, so I wanted it to be special, telling their feelings, not a technical description. I hope you liked it!  
> \- The last two sentences are the same that are said in the wedding vows in Westeros, I wanted to do as a comparison-metaphor of consummating an eternal union.  
> \- The whole conversation of Cersei and Jaime About Jaime joining the Kingsguard to be near her, I've never imagined that neither it had occurred to him alone nor she had directly proposed it to him. That conversation I think it's a manipulation. Made of real feelings, sadness, love, need..., but a slight manipulation. What do you think?  
> \- In a few days (I hope) I will upload an "epilogue" (very short) to close this story and maybe I tell "what" I will write next (I'm basically thinking of a sequel)  
> Thanks for reading, I'd appreciate a comment! :)


	11. Epilogue?

The next morning they woke up in each other’s arms, embraced, between caresses and whispers of loving words. The air that clothed them was made of happiness, peace, calm, harmony and clarity. No harm to fix, no offense to avenge, no debts to pay or recover, nothing to fear, nothing to worry about, just a plan to carry out. They were determinate, with all the strength, confidence and illusion of youth, but above all, they were _together_.

They didn't know that it would be the last time they would wake up in each other's arms. Wrapped in happiness, peace, calm, harmony and clarity. Without a harm to fix, an offense to avenge, a debt to pay or recover, a thing to fear, a thing to worry about.

They didn't know that the plan to be together would be what would separate them.

They didn’t know that when Jaime would propose himself for the Kingsguard, a pleased Aerys would quickly choose him and organize a grand tourney for him to say his vows and don his cloak as soon as possible. That meanwhile Tywin would enrage when he found out but wouldn’t believe it would happen.

They didn’t know the day of the tourney another announcement would be made. 

That the Martell had gone to King’s Landing, not because they intended to marry Elia to Jaime, but to propose Elia for Rhaegar.

That Aerys had become paranoid over people talking and believing that Tywin was the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and the one holding them together.

That Aerys was only interested in marrying Rhaegar to Cersei to have something Tywin cared about under his power to still dominate him over it. That his daughter was that precious thing, but it would change once he could have Tywin’s most beloved and prodigal son, the golden lion, as well as disinherit his heir.

So, they didn’t know that he would definitively refuse to marry his son to Cersei, instead having Rhaegar marry Princess Elia of Dorne. They didn’t know that the night before the tourney Tywin would be informed and the next morning, while everything was being prepared and Jaime was getting ready, before he was named, a furious Tywin would leave King’s Landing, resigning the Handship and returning to Casterly Rock, taking Cersei with him.

They didn’t know that the next year a _great tournament_ would be hold by Lord Whent _at Harrenhal_ , that many lords would attend, that Prince Rhaegar would know and fall in love with _Lyanna Stark_ and that when he won the tournament he would name her as the _Queen of Love and Beauty_ rather than his own wife Elia.

That some time later, Rhaegar would kidnap Lyanna and disappear with her, that her father Lord Rickard and her eldest brother Brandon would ride to King's Landing and demand justice but instead King Aerys would have both arrested and executed.

Than in response, the new Lord of Winterfell, Eddard Stark, would raise the banners of the North; Robert Baratheon, Lord of Storm's End and betrothed to Lyanna, would join the rebellion; Lord Jon Arryn of the Vale, a mentor to both, would do the same; Lord Hoster Tully of Riverrun, who had planned to marry his eldest daughter to Brandon Stark, would support them, sealing the alliance with a double marriage ceremony: Catelyn and Eddard, Lysa and Jon Arryn; meanwhile House Tyrell would remain loyal to the crown. That some revolts later, after the Battle of the Bells, both sides would consolidate for a major showdown.

That finally Prince Rhaegar would lead a royalist army to directly engage the rebels, but he would be defeated at the _Battle of the Trident_ , in which he would be killed in personal combat by Robert himself.

That, acknowledging the rebel victory, King Aerys would send his young son Viserys and his pregnant wife Queen Rhaella to Dragonstone island. That with Rhaegar dead, lords who had been undecided about which side to join would abandon the Mad King.

That Lord Tywin's army would arrive at _King's Landing_ allegedly to defend the city, but once the gates would be opened the _Lannisters_ would brutally _sack_ the city. That Ser Gregor Clegane would kill Rhaegar and Elia's two little children and then he would rape and kill her. 

That Jaime himself would kill Aerys, the king he had sworn to protect, at the very foot of the Iron Throne, for which he would become known as _the Kingslayer_.

That Robert Baratheon would be proclaimed _King of the Seven Kingdoms_ and, with Lyanna dead, he would agree to marry Cersei, to shore up the alliance that had brought down the Targaryens.

They didn’t know that they would not see each other again until Jaime had to go to Casterly Rock, as Kingsguard, to escort Cersei’s carriage to King’s Landing for her marriage ceremony with Robert. _Three years, one hundred fifty two days and seven hours later_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (those are the events of the books, a little modified or differently ordered, but for me they make more sense this way: for all the characters' intentions - Aerys, Tywin, Cersei, Jaime... - and their processes and developments.)  
> And... that's where the sequel will begin. It will be called "Unheard Roars" and I will upload the first chapter next week, from there I will try to establich a signal day and upload a chapter every week.  
> Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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